I'll Be Home For Christmas
by Vexie McCay
Summary: Magic is at its best on Christmas Eve. Hope reigns, happiness glows brightest, and wishes are granted. The wishes of children, of men and women, even the wishes of Vampires and Slayers. Post Chosen, plus post Destiny in AtS. BS. Other pairings are explain
1. The Beginning

I'll Be Home For Christmas  
  
Cassandra Nighte  
  
Summary: Magic is at its best on Christmas Eve. Hope reigns, happiness glows brightest, and wishes are granted. The wishes of children, of men and women, even the wishes of Vampires and Slayers. Post Chosen, plus post Destiny in AtS. B/S. Other pairings are explained throughout.  
  
AN: this is it. The fic I've been planning out since July. I've re- written it fifty times and I'm still not happy with it, but I suppose it will have to do. It's meant to be sweet with a touch of sadness. But I assure you the end is quite happy.  
  
Um, I changed a few things so I could do this right: Eve isn't actively evil yet, so Spike will believe he can safely leave WF&H. I kinda switched how Spike gets corporeal and everything. That's all explained. I've come up with good reasons. Um, Kennedy? Yeah. She's gone. I don't really like Kennedy and am a die hard Willow/Xander fan. And for everything to work the way I want it to, I had to make a new Cleveland. The one in Ohio? HUGE! Then I look at Sunnydale. Little town. I like little towns. MUCH easier to write. And I've got this thing about writing about real places. I'm not good at it unless I've been there. So there's a new Cleveland in Iowa. If there really is a little Cleveland in Iowa, go you guys!  
  
Enough of me talking. My mother says I learned how to talk at an early age and haven't shut up yet. Sorry. . .and Merry Christmas to all!  
  
:. :. :. (this is meant to be holly, if you can't figure out what's up with the dots. . . I couldn't figure out anything Christmasy to do.)  
  
:. Angel  
  
I looked up as someone entered my office. It was Harmony. Her mascara had run down her face, she had been crying. Okay, she still was crying. I stood up, wondering what had happened now. I mentally prepared myself for a tough battle. That usually seemed to be the case.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked. The blond vampire gave out a loud sniff.  
  
"He's. . .he's g-gone." She choked out. "That stupid. . .stupid. . .*guy* left again!" I tried not to grin at her lack of ability to come up with a good evil name. Then it hit me. He. I had a pretty good idea of which he.  
  
"Spike." I guessed. Harmony nodded tearfully, letting out another sniff. I sighed. When he became corporeal, I wondered how long he would stay. I guess he had good reason to leave now; when I asked him to stay, the only thing he got was the predestined swig of Mountain Dew. Not to mention the whole thing where we hate each other's guts. That probably was a factor. I didn't let it show how much the matter bothered me.  
  
"well, maybe now we can get some peace." I said, sitting back down. Harmony stomped her foot in frustration.  
  
"I'm the only one angry about this, aren't I?!" she cried, and stormed out. I sighed again. No, she wasn't. I knew where my Grandchilde had gone. Back to her. To his beloved Buffy. He loved her. I loved her. Just something else between us. The worst part was, when it came down to a direct, one-or-the-other choice, she chose him over me.  
  
Gunn came in, interrupting my brooding. Which only made me more cross. But once again, I hid my feelings.  
  
"Uh, I guess you don't know Spike's gone?" he guessed. I shook my head.  
  
"No, I knew that." I replied calmly. He gave me an odd look.  
  
"I thought you'd be angrier." He commented. I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why's that?" I asked. Like we all didn't know. Gunn put an expression of mock-thoughtfulness on his face.  
  
"Well, let's see. He could cause a world of trouble, there's still the Champion thing to resolve, he's most likely going back to Buffy, you hate his guts, you told him to stay, and he took the viper." He listed off. I shrugged.  
  
"Hey, it's not my problem if he wants-" I suddenly stopped as the last part sunk in. My viper?! "He took the viper?!" I cried. Gunn stared at me in disbelief.  
  
"That's all you're worried about?!" He exclaimed. "The car?" I stood up, slamming my hands on my desk.  
  
"He took my viper! That's my favorite car! I cannot believe he would take my viper?!" I shouted angrily. "He did it on purpose you know. He knows how much I like the viper. I should have known." Gunn just stared. He had no idea that viper was the car I'd wanted since it came out. And that was the one car Spike just had to take. Wesley came into the room, a puzzled look on his face.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked worriedly. I wheeled around to face him. Gunn gave Wesley a you-asked-for-it grin. "Okay, really. What's going on?" Wesley asked more seriously. I held out my hands desperately.  
  
"HE TOOK MY VIPER!"  
  
:. Spike  
  
I drove into the small town of Cleveland. And I knew it was right this time. It felt hellmouthy. There are more Clevelands than the one in Ohio. This one happened to be in Iowa of all places. Iowa. It reminded me of something, and I remembered with a snort that Captain Cardboard grew up in Iowa. But the little town of Cleveland, Iowa reminded me of a frozen Sunnydale. A happy little town with lots of happy little people and their white picket fences, and the constant problems the local Hellmouth brought on.  
  
I didn't think it would be easy to find her. I mean, you can't just go up to any demon and ask if he knows where the closest Slayer was anymore. There were thousands, possibly millions of Slayers all over the world now. Who knew which one you would get! But I soon learned there were other ways of finding her.  
  
I stopped a moment and closed my eyes. There. I could feel her. And I knew it wasn't just any Slayer, I knew it was my Slayer. My Buffy. She felt different. She was Chosen by the original Slayer rules and regulations the monks set up, the others were Gifted by Willow and her amazing power. There's a difference. Ancient magic has a different taste than what was recently done. Besides, there was a little hint of Red in the magic. A little bit of the witch that cast the spell.  
  
I followed the trail down to the older district, with the pretty old houses. I pulled down a quiet street and to a house painted in blue, 1405 Morningside Drive. It was a little smaller than the previous Summers' home, but it was nice. I knew it had to be right. It was the all- American house Buffy had always wanted.  
  
I pulled over alongside the curb and turned off the car. I got out and stood in the falling snow. I looked at the house and took a sniff of the air. Though the cold air burned as I inhaled it, I was warm inside. I could smell all of them. Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander, Giles, even the boy, Andrew. The only thing that puzzled me was that I didn't smell Anya. The ex- demon had been good company. I wondered what had happened to her.  
  
I thought a moment more, then moved forward. I could see into the livingroom window. If my heart could have beat, it would have stopped then. I walked right up to the window. Buffy was placing a gift under a Christmas tree shining with lights and ornaments. I could hear happy Christmas music playing inside. Dawn walked into the room with a plate of cookies. Buffy looked up and grinned. Her mouth formed words and I almost heard her happy exclamation. "Cookies!" like she had commented on the presents on her birthday in a time that seemed ages. Dawn laughed as well and they each took a cookie. I watched them talk and laugh together. It was brilliant, everything I had missed, everything I had waited for, hoped to find. It was here. I was home.  
  
I stood there watching, their happiness making the corners of my own mouth turn up. But then I saddened as I suddenly realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't ruin their happiness. Buffy was finally happy, probably being able to enjoy the luxury of the normal life. If I turned up again, I would awaken old memories and painful thoughts. Not to mention a whole world of confusion. She would probably hate me for coming back. I wouldn't be a hero anymore. I survived. Telling my story wouldn't help. First impression was all Buffy ever needed. And she wouldn't like the mine. That I had somehow cheated the heroic ending handed to me.  
  
If nothing else, she would only be angry I didn't come at first, instead of staying at Wolfram & Hart for so long. Not that I had a choice, but the reasons never mattered to her. No, only the plain, obvious facts. I'd been back for a few months, and I hadn't come back to her. And that was the best scenario I could come up with. No, I couldn't be with her again. It could never work for either of our favors.  
  
I turned away from the window, all hope shattered. I trudged through the snow and got back into my car. The pretty red viper. Even the reminder of the fun of stealing Angel's most prized vehicle didn't cheer me. I was getting ready to drive away form everything I lived for. And there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't destroy their lives again. I sat in the car a moment, pulling myself together again, and started it up. I drove off, defeated.  
  
:. Buffy  
  
I put the last of the presents under the tree, excited about the fun tomorrow would bring. Dawn came into the room and I instantly smelled the warm chocolaty goodness of the cookies she had just finished. She set the plate down. I looked at her and grinned.  
  
"Cookies!" I exclaimed, happily indicating the steaming plate. Dawn giggled. We each took a cookie, and bit into the warm, chocolaty heaven.  
  
"mmm. I don't care what anyone says. There is *nothing* better than chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven." I commented.  
  
"See? If you don't let me near the peanut butter, I can cook!" Dawn replied proudly. I giggled.  
  
All of a sudden I froze. I felt it again. The familiar tingle at the back of my neck, the automatic increase in my heart's pace. I got tinglys every time a vampire showed up, but these were different. I only felt like this when one vampire was around. A handsome, blue-eyed, bleached blonde vampire. A dusted vampire. Even though Spike was dust, I still thought I felt him, just because I missed him so much.  
  
I took a breath and told myself he was gone. He wasn't coming back. He was dust. Slowly the feeling faded, and I was able to laugh as Dawn turned up the radio and began singing along to Madonna's "Santa Baby", dance included. We stayed up a while longer, eating cookies and talking. Then I stood up.  
  
"I'm going for a walk." I said. Dawn gave me a concerned look. She knew something was wrong. She usually could tell.  
  
"It's kinda late." She pointed out. I grinned, shrugging.  
  
"well, I always did prefer night. And all the snow is so pretty. . ." I remarked. She nodded, obviously believing I just wanted to walk through the snow. Neither of us had seen it more than once, and Dawn hadn't ever really seen it, just what the monks made her believe. It fascinated us both.  
  
"Don't stay out too late! We've got a party tomorrow." She reminded me. I hugged my sister, then grabbed a coat and went outside. I stopped on the porch, looking out over the white street. The snow still fell softly. I noticed a set of tire tracks next to the curb. They pulled in, then back out again. My heart fluttered and I wondered if maybe, just maybe, he really was back. I shook the feeling off. It was impossible. He didn't make it out of the school back in Sunnydale. I knew that. And besides, if he was back, he would've come to see me first thing.  
  
I walked down the front walk and began walking through the streets. This town reminded me a lot of Sunnydale. The only difference was, I didn't have to defend the world by myself. It wasn't me, Giles, Willow and Xander in the school library struggling to defeat whatever came along. There were tons of Slayers now. There were plenty right here. Giles, Willow and I were working to train them all. We set up a new Magic Box, where Willow taught magic and sold it, Giles taught the girls about the Slayer duties and how they became Slayers. Not to mention the way it used to be. He felt it shouldn't be forgotten, the Slayer rules that haunted my teenage years.  
As for me, I had the best job in the world, teaching Slayers how to go out and fight evil. It was fun, and somewhat comforting to be around other girls with the exact same power I had.  
  
Xander got back into the construction business, which he loved. We offered him a part in our business, but he declined, going back to what he knew. He came around frequently, just like the old days. Except now he and Willow were going out, finally. Kennedy had gone her own way, going back to her home to find Slayers. Willow and Xander became closer, now they both had dealt with losses. They had a new understanding now that Willow had lost Tara and Xander had lost Anya. It brought them together, knowing that their union wouldn't hurt their loved ones.  
  
I paused, feeling a vamp in a nearby graveyard. I sighed. Even on Christmas Eve! Did they ever give it a rest? I walked into the graveyard and easily found the vampire. He looked at me.  
  
"Who're you?" he asked. I smiled.  
  
"Your executioner." I replied, pulling out a stake. The vampire let out a growl and rushed me. I jumped up and gave him a sharp kick to the face. He stumbled back.  
  
"Jeez, lady." He muttered. "Who do you think you are? Supergirl?" I shrugged.  
  
"Nope. Just your ordinary, everyday Slayer." I pinned him to a tree. "Merry Christmas, Fangs."  
  
"thanks." He said, smiling. I shoved the stake into his heart and he turned to dust. I dusted myself off and continued my stroll. I remembered how I used to do this every night, then walk into one graveyard in particular. I always kind of hoped Spike would be there. He usually would show up, leaning casually against a tree or headstone.  
  
I sighed. I missed the vampire. I missed the way he seemed so comfortable, no matter the circumstances. I missed his voice, confident and arrogant. I missed the way he would tease me endlessly, then turn around and defend me from anyone who stood up against me. I missed his platinum blonde hair I so often teased him about, his bright blue eyes, sparkling with mischief, his strong, lean body, his smell of smoke, whiskey, hair gel, and the night air, the taste of his kiss. I missed seeing him in that old duster, popping up in just the right moment. I missed him loving me. I missed loving him.  
  
I remembered those last few moments down under the school. In the Hellmouth. Spike had been determined, ready to give his life for the world, for goodness, and for me. Yet, he didn't accept it when I finally told him the truth, that I loved him. I thought back further to when we had talked about the night we had spent together. The night I had been rejected and he still came to me. He came to bring up my spirits. It had meant something special to him, and to me too. After that, I didn't understand why he wouldn't believe I loved him. Except he saw me kiss Angel.  
  
Angel. I hadn't talked to him for a few months. After Sunnydale, we had kept in touch a little. But the last time I called, he had seemed in a rush to get off the phone. I guess the whole cookie thing was getting to him. But I finally realized I was done baking. And I knew who I wanted to enjoy cookie-me. And that person was gone forever. And Angel knew it too. I wasn't sure how, but somehow he knew. I guess that knowledge hurt him.  
  
I stopped in a park. I pushed all the snow off a bench and sat down, looking at the frozen pond in the middle of the park. I could see the lights from houses in the distance, all decorated for Christmas. Everyone was happy, safe and warm inside their houses tonight. Loved ones were together again. I was surrounded by my own friends and my family, but I still felt a little lonely. I still was in love with Spike. Sometimes I ever wondered if I would get over it. I didn't really want to. I couldn't just let him go like that.  
  
After we got safely out of Sunnydale, I felt guilty for leaving him in the basement. He had died alone. Once he told me that's how it had always been. He was always alone, like I was. Like I used to be. Like I was again. And I had left him to die alone as well. He told me to go and I went. But somehow, I knew he was content with his decision. Something in his eyes as I searched for some way to bring him with me. He had seemed happy, grinning as his skin began to burn. He looked like he finally belonged, standing there glowing in the sunlight. He was finally going to do his part.  
  
And everyone accepted him after it was all over. He had finally earned the acceptance, the friendship he had longed for while he was with us. How long was it he stuck it out with all of us? Five years? And we never gave him any respect or anything. But now. . .now everyone remembered him fondly. How ironic, he's like so many artists, only famed after death.  
  
Yeah. I was happy here. But I didn't know about anyone else. I gazed out over the frozen pond. The snow was still falling lightly, shimmering in the light from the street lamps and houses. It really was pretty, I realized.  
  
"Excuse me, darling, but you'll catch your death of cold out here." A soft voice said. I jumped, and quickly looked beside me to the source of a voice. An old woman in a green coat with a darker green scarf around her neck. Her silver hair fell in wispy curls framing a face not lined, but full of life and wisdom. I smiled.  
  
"I think I'll be all right." I replied. She returned the smile.  
  
"beautiful night, isn't it?" she asked, looking out over the pond.  
  
:. Spike  
  
I decided to stop in at a demon bar and maybe think things over. Maybe if I got good and drunk, a brilliant idea to see Buffy without causing World War III would magically pop up. I hesitated at the door, wondering how far my "bad" reputation had spread. I decided to find out and strode into the bar. I glanced around, challenging anyone to throw me back out, but no one did, thankfully.  
  
I brushed the snow off my long black duster, then sat down at the bar.  
  
"What can I getcha, kid?" the bartender asked. I looked up in surprise.  
  
"Willy the Snitch?!" I cried. He looked a tad panicked.  
  
"Spike. . .you're not a friend around here." He hissed. "Or anywhere." I shrugged.  
  
"Old news. But no one seems to be bothering me, do they?" he shook his head. "Let's keep it that way, all right?" Willy nodded. I let my voice regain it's volume.  
  
"You made it out of good ole' SunnyD, I see." I commented. "Running along to the next Hellmouth then?" He shrugged.  
  
"It's a living." He grinned and lowered his voice. "Just don't destroy this one, all right?" I smirked at him.  
  
"As long as it doesn't threaten to destroy the earth, we have no qualms against each other." I replied.  
  
"So. What's it gonna be? I got some real nice blood. . .just in." Willy offered. I made a face.  
  
"Nah, whiskey." I decided. He nodded and poured the requested drink.  
  
"Don't cause a scene. I'm starting up anew here." He said proudly, walking off to his other customers. I shook my head. Same old Willy. I shouldn't have been amazed. It really was a pretty small world.  
  
I looked down into the drink in my hands, letting my mind fly off again. It flew with all it's might back to Buffy-related thoughts. A part of me wondered if she really would be upset with my returning. I remembered her confession down in the basement. She had finally said the three words I had been hoping to hear for a long time. And what a time! There had been no way to return them without causing her to die by my side. As I looked into her eyes, surprised by the confession, I had seen that she would have. She was ready to stay with me until the very end. I couldn't have let her do that. I was going to die saving the world for her. So she could live happily ever after. It wouldn't work if she died too.  
  
So I denied her love, breaking the spell that held her there. I could see the regret as she studied me one last time, as I studied her one last time. But I knew how much it would mean to her if I completed what I set out to do. I was going to be the hero. I remembered how pleased I was that I was going to be the one, the one Buffy chose to save the world by her side. Me over Angel. Ever since I was Turned, I've been living in Angel's shadow. And finally, finally someone looked to me instead of my Grandsire. I couldn't help but laugh in the end, as my skin burnt to dust. It was me, not Angel. He wasn't the Champion.  
  
Unfortunately, that was still to be resolved. Which one of us really was the One? For two seconds I thought I was, when I held the pretty golden cup which I thought contained my destiny, the one I had fought Angel for, and won. The Great All Powerful Cup of Mountain Dew. I never liked Mountain Dew. And obviously, it wasn't my destiny to drink the mystical soda. So the question still held, which one of us was the true Champion? As far as I was concerned, it was me. Buffy had chosen me, I saved the world, I got a second chance, it was me. And as far as Angel was concerned, it was him. Because everything is about him in his little mind.  
  
"Excuse me, young man." I looked up.  
  
End Chapter One  
  
All right. I know it's not the best of stopping points, but I'm really hurting for chapter ideas and time to write them. Erm, it doesn't help that I kinda came up with the ending before anything else, so I just kinda want to get to that. But believe me, I'm working my butt off here. Except for the time I keep cutting to a) do homework, b) talk to my best friend about c) the new guy who may very well be my boyfriend pretty soon.  
  
Anyway, there will be a chapter a day up until Christmas Eve. That's when the fireworks go off with the yummy Spuffy finale. 


	2. Talking To Old People

:. Chapter Two .::. Spike  
  
"Excuse me, young man." I jumped as someone sat down next to me, shaking me out of my thoughts. I looked over to see an old man. He was in a brown overcoat and his silver hair glinted in the light. His face was weathered with age, but his bright green eyes sparkled with life, wisdom, and warmth. He laughed. I was in no mood to be laughed at.  
  
"Find me amusing, do you?" I asked sharply. The man shrugged.  
  
"I was only wondering what a handsome young man would be doing alone tonight. I know if I had your looks, I'd have myself a pretty lady at my side." He said. I gave him a look.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint. But I'm not young, though I won't deny the whole handsome part." I added humorously. "But I think you knew that." I guessed the man wasn't human, and I could tell I was right as he chuckled.  
  
"You're much younger than me, vampire." He confirmed my guesses, first that he knew what I was, and second that he wasn't human.  
  
"I had a feeling that was the case. Anyway, what did you mean about why would I be alone?" I asked. (no, that was not a typo.) The man smiled.  
  
"You know that." He replied. "What are you looking for?" I blinked at the sudden question.  
  
"I'm not looking for anything." I said, a little worried. I wondered how old the man really was. He smiled.  
  
"Ah, but we're all looking for something." He said knowingly. "And in all my years I've learned the one thing everyone is trying to find. And that's magic." I smirked at him.  
  
"No, Magic is far from what I'm looking for." I replied. I was looking for love, friendship, acceptance, joy. . .  
  
"Well, you must know magic appears in all different ways. In the gently falling snow, in the wonder and beauty of the tiny flame of a candle, in the hopes and dreams of all, but the best kind of magic, the kind most are searching for, is found in the comfort and peace of night." He said. I listened, the respect for my elders that was drilled into me while I was alive coming out again. " And there's one night that holds the most magic, one night where all dreams can come true." Here he leaned in close. "That's tonight. Christmas Eve."  
  
I snorted derisively. I couldn't help it. It was the whole Christmas Spirit-Santa-Claus-Anything-Can-Happen thing again.  
  
"Sorry. Not much for the holidays. Especially one that is believed to be the most religious holiday about. And that's not very vampire-friendly, if you know what I mean." I replied. The old man frowned.  
  
"no, I won't have any of that." He said sharply. "That's a pure- bred lie. You're different." His look softened into a humorous grin. "You're the legendary Vampire with a Soul." I laughed bitterly.  
  
"Nah, you're lookin' for Angelus. He had it first. Mister High and Mighty with his big law firm and fan club." I said, letting a bit of edge come into my voice. He shook his head.  
  
"No, it's not Angel. It's you. You are different from Angel. You knew you wanted a soul, you knew you had to get one, and when you were still under the voice of the demon inside. He was cursed, and when the soul was removed, he reverted back to his old ways. You were good without the soul." He praised. That was the exact truth I had been trying to get across to Buffy for years. And failed. And then failed again with Angel himself in the big Battle for the Dew. And here comes this complete stranger, correcting my story.  
  
"I'd like it if you mentioned that a little quieter." I said quietly, indicating the rest of the bar. "Most types don't take kindly to a demon who hunts his own kind." The man smiled.  
  
"Oh, you did get me." He said. "You changed the subject!" I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Did I? I seem to recall you bringing up the whole vampire subject." I replied.  
  
"Well, in any case. Back to my original question. Why do you hate it so much, William?" I didn't ask how he knew my name. My old name, at that.  
  
"I don't know. I just never really liked it much. Never a good time of year for me." I said. I kind of wondered why I was telling this complete stranger everything. For some reason, I knew I could trust the old man. Even though I knew he was a demon, and he could be another enemy, I just felt comfortable sitting here talking to him.  
  
"You want to see them again." He said suddenly. I looked up.  
  
"What?" I asked. Had he lost his mind? See who? The old man laughed.  
  
"Don't play stupid, boy." It was a gentle reprimand. "You know who I mean. It's what you came here for, isn't it? To see your friends again?" I stared at him. He knew so much about me. . .  
  
"Ahh, yes. And there's always her. That's one of the main reasons you came to our little town, right? To be reunited with the one you love?" he asked softly, green eyes staring into my own blue ones. I sighed.  
  
"That's why I came in the first place, yeah." I said slowly. "But. . .it doesn't look like it's going to happen." He looked at me in surprise.  
  
"What? What changed?" he asked. I got the feeling he already knew, but I decided to spill anyway.  
  
"I was going to surprise her for Christmas, you know," I gave him a sheepish grin. "I'd knock on the door and she open it and her eyes would go all wide then she would just stare a moment, and we'd share a look. . .and then she'd just run into my arms and we'd kiss under the Christmas lights and falling snow. . ." It was my fantasy, how I had pictured our meeting since I left Los Angeles. Always have been a hopeless romantic.  
  
"That sounds beautiful. What happened?" the old man asked, looking incredibly interested in my story. I laughed.  
  
"I wussed out. That's what happened. I got to the door and I realized. . ." I paused, taking a breath. "I realized she wouldn't take me back. If I came back after everything I did. . .I wouldn't be the hero anymore."  
  
"You still saved the world." The man pointed out. I wished it was that simple.  
  
"Yeah, but I didn't die. Not really. I just got sucked into that bloody amulet. Thought I was dead, but here I am. So now I have no reason to go back." I said. "Even if she let me tell my story she'd be even angrier that I didn't come back right off."  
  
"Did you try?" the man asked. I sighed.  
  
"You bet I did. That's pretty much the first thing I did after I got over the shock of being a ghost. But I kept getting zapped back to bloody Wolfram & Hart." I remembered, making a face.  
  
"But you did try, more than once." He said, as if that solved it all.  
  
"The thing is, I stopped trying. After I figured out how not to get sucked into hell, I just hung out haunting Angel and his crew and working on touching things." I said. "I didn't try to leave again. Even when I first got corporeal, I didn't just run right out to Buffy, I had to go try and fulfill the prophecy." The old man frowned.  
  
"Prophecy?" he asked. I snorted.  
  
"Yeah, something about there being two vampires with souls, both champions, there can only be one, balance is off, yada-yada. It all came down to one of us drinking this cup of perpetual torture and become the ultimate champion or whatever, and whoever drank it was predestined to." I explained.  
  
"I've never heard that. . ." the old man said, voice puzzled. "And I know most of the prophecies." I laughed.  
  
"You wouldn't. It wasn't a true prophecy. Someone set us up. The only thing the Holy Grail had was a nice, refreshing gulp of Mountain Dew." I replied. The man looked relieved. Lucky him. I felt kinda gypped and pissed at whoever set us up. Sirk or whatever his name was.  
  
"So you didn't come back right off. Surely a Slayer would understand the importance of fulfilling a prophecy, true or not." He said reasonably. I shrugged.  
  
"You know, she'd probably be on Angel's side like everyone else. Everyone thinks Angel's the Neo in this story." I said, hoping my pop- culture reference wouldn't confuse him like such references did Giles. It didn't, fortunately.  
  
"in any case, you should let her decide." The old man said. I sighed.  
  
"I just don't want. . .I don't want to be stepped all over again." I admitted slowly. Once again I was shocked at my readiness to confide in the old man.  
  
"But you want to see her, don't you?" he asked. "And the rest of them? Your friends." I thought a moment. Did I? Did I really. Yes. I longed to see her again, to see Buffy, and the Niblet, and Red, and even Xander. I even missed ol' Rupert, even though he had plotted with Wood to kill me. The old man was watching me closely.  
  
"Yeah, I do. But. . .I don't think I want to be seen." I replied carefully. "I just want to see them. One more time. Then I'll leave." The old man nodded.  
  
"I understand." He said. For a moment he just stared off into space. Then he smiled. I began to get a little worried. I mean, human or not, he was pretty old. And it was never a good sign when the elderly just started staring off into space.  
  
"Come with me." He said suddenly, making me jump. I shrugged and quickly swallowed down my drink, throwing a few bills on the counter to pay for it. Then I followed the man out of the bar.  
  
:. Buffy  
  
The woman smiled.  
  
"Beautiful night, isn't it?" she asked. I nodded.  
  
"It's pretty. Snow." I replied. "I've only seen it once before. It got cold in California, but never cold enough to snow. The only time it did, I think it was magic." The woman laughed.  
  
"Yes. Magic is a wonderful thing." She agreed. I frowned.  
  
"Not all magic. Magic has caused a lot of problems where I was from." I said, remembering all the spells Willow had tried, plus the spell Xander cast to summon Sweet and make us sing, and when Willow went evil. . .  
  
"No, not pure, white, earth magic. Pure magic can only do good." The old woman said. "And it's all around us. In the sparkling snow, in the crystal waters of a pond, in the wonders and dreams of us all. . . and especially the magic this night holds. Christmas magic. Black magic is bound tonight, and pure magic flies free." I laughed.  
  
"I don't know. If tonight has such good magic, I could probably just make a wish, and it would come true." I joked. But the woman nodded.  
  
"Exactly. Tonight is the night dreams come true." She said seriously. "I've been around a long time, and I've seen many, many wishes granted on Christmas Eve." I sighed.  
  
"I never had good luck with wishes. They usually had a bad ending." I said, remembering Anya's old business.  
  
"You mean vengeance wishes. I'm talking about real wishes." The woman explained. She smiled. "What would you wish for?" I returned the smile. But inside I was sad. I knew exactly what I would wish for. The same thing I wished for in my mind every day, night, all the time. For him to come home.  
  
"Love." I replied, simply but vaguely. The woman nodded again.  
  
"We all search for it, yes. You are one of the lucky ones. You are surrounded by people who love you." She said. I shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. I mean, yeah, I know they love me, and I love them, but that's not really what I meant." I said. The woman gave me a knowing look.  
  
"You want the love of a man." She said. I suddenly realized she wasn't just some old lady. She had to be something more.  
  
"Yeah." I replied. The love of a man. One man. One very dead, dusty man.  
  
"You know he loves you too." She said gently. I laughed bitterly.  
  
"I knew. I knew he loved me. But I never accepted it. By the time I did. . .it was too late. He's gone now." I said, kind of surprised at myself for telling this woman I had never seen before what took me so long to tell my own friends and sister. The lady raised her eyebrows.  
  
"What? Where is he now?" she asked. I bit my lip, then took a deep breath.  
  
"He. . .he died. Saving my life, and the world." I explained quietly. I was surprised it didn't hurt to admit the fact as much as I had thought it would.  
  
"Then he's still with you. You're here because of him." She pointed out. I hated the 'even though your loved one is gone, they're still with you in spirit of you remember them,' junk. It was just stupid and corny.  
  
"Well, I should be with him." I replied.  
  
"What do you mean?" The lady asked. I sighed, looking at the ground. I was preparing to admit to her something I had never told anyone. Not even Dawn.  
  
"Once he told me he was alone. And he always had been. He told me how had become a vampire and it was because he had been alone. And I let him die alone. I left him down in that basement to die alone. I could have stayed with him. Then he would have believed. . ." I trailed off.  
  
"Believed what?" the woman pressed. I looked up at her.  
  
"Believed I really loved him." I whispered. The old woman frowned.  
  
"Oh, but surely he knew that." She said. I shook my head.  
  
"I told him I loved him, and he said no I didn't. Then he told me to go and. . .and I went. Without a second thought. I just left him there." I explained. The lady put her hand over mine.  
  
"Did you ever think of the other possibilities? Maybe he told you that because he didn't want you staying there with him." She said. I looked at her.  
  
"I know. But I still feel guilty, like I should have stayed." I said. She gave me a look.  
  
"You don't understand a thing, do you, dear?" she asked in amazement. I frowned at her.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"Everything has a purpose, darling." She said. I just stared at her. What was this leading to? She sighed.  
  
"I'm going to have to show you, aren't I?" she asked, more to herself than to me. "Come on."  
  
:. End Chapter Two (Just remembered I forgot to Holly the end of the last chap. :. There.)  
  
Ta da! Thus we begin the Telling Of Many Secrets part. This goes on for um. . .maybe four or five chapters. Then some fun.  
  
I like reviews. I want reviews for Christmas! 


	3. The Magic Ice Pond Thingy

:. Chapter Three .::. Buffy  
"I'm going to have to show you, aren't I?" she asked, more to herself than to me. "Come on." She took my arm.  
  
"Where are we going?" I asked. She led me to the edge of the pond.  
  
"Look." She pointed to the smooth white ice. I glanced at it.  
  
"Yep. It's ice. What about it?" I asked. She smiled a little.  
  
"Have patience, child. Look!" she nodded. I looked back at the pond. I gasped. A picture was forming there. Willow, Tara, Anya, Xander, Dawn, and Giles were all standing in a graveyard in the middle of the day. They were all wearing black, and looking at a fresh grave. Anya moved into Xander's arms, giving me a clear view of the headstone. I suddenly felt as if I had swallowed a bucket of ice. The headstone read BUFFY SUMMERS. I didn't read the rest. I couldn't. I could just stare.  
  
"What is this?" I demanded of the woman when I got my voice back. She shook her head.  
  
"Look at your friends, and your family. Watch." She said. I forced myself to look back. I studied my friends intently. Xander was holding Anya, his face had lost its usual look of mischief. His eyes were bright with tears. Anya had her face buried in Xander's suit jacket. Willow and Tara were holding hands tightly, both crying. Giles had a lost look as he stared at my headstone, almost as if he didn't believe what he was seeing. Dawn almost broke my heart. Her face was set and pale. She seemed almost unemotional.  
  
Slowly, they all left together. The scene stayed the same, but faded into night. Everything was still, then a lone figure walked up to the. . .my grave. My heart caught in my chest. Spike. He just stood in front, looking at the words carved into the headstone. Then he sat down on the grass cross-legged. He started talking. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he had a small smile on his face, the same uncertain smile he had given me so often. His eyes, though, they were sad. They were as dead as stone, and I saw the true pain he held inside.  
  
"What was he saying?" I asked softly, not even realizing I spoke aloud. The woman heard me, and smiled.  
  
"He was talking to you. That night, he was telling you about how Dawn had been writing things, and it reminded him of what he had done, except hers was prettier than anything he had ever done. Then he told you about the patrol he had just done, letting you know the world was safe. He did this every night. He just sat there and watched all night, whenever he didn't have to watch Dawn, which he did often, keeping his word to protect her. But he always made sure to visit." She explained. I returned my gaze to the picture. Spike disappeared.  
  
The picture changed, showing the tower again. I saw Dawn at the top. I saw myself running up to save her, and the portal opening again. But instead of me running and diving into the portal, Dawn and I ran together, hands clasped, running and leaping into the middle of it, and then landing on the ground on our feet, hugging. She looked happy, and so did I. We had saved the world together. Everyone ran up to us and we all embraced happily. All of a sudden, Glory, a giant, smirking Glory came and snatched me from the midst of my friends, leaving Dawn alone.  
  
The image disappeared to show Dawn sit up in bed, suddenly. She started crying. It had been a dream, Dawn's.  
  
There were more dreams like it, Willow used her magic to close the portal, Xander jumped through himself, Giles stopped Glory himself from the beginning, and saved Dawn, who was really me at the top of the tower. But the best way I was rescued was by Spike. In his dream, I leaped through the portal, and he leaped through after me. Halfway through, white light all around us, he caught me and together we landed smoothly on the ground. I was in his arms, and he smiled at me. The dream me smiled back at him.  
  
I remembered what he had told me when I had first come back; "I saved you every night, a hundred different ways." I jumped, feeling something hit my hand. I realized it was my own tears. I wiped them off and looked at the woman.  
  
"What do you want to show me from this?" I asked.  
  
"That you were missed. When you died, you ripped their very lives apart. That is why you did not die a second time." She explained. "You could not do it to them again. Your time to die for the sake of the world has passed."  
  
"Third." I corrected before I could stop myself.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That would have been the third time I died." I explained. She nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry. But you see? There was a purpose to your not dying. Everything turned out all right." She said. I stared at her.  
  
"What do you mean everything was all right? Spike is dead, okay. The one guy I loved, and didn't chase away is dead." I exploded. She didn't seem to hear me.  
  
"Hello?" I asked impatiently, a little worried. I mean, this old lady suddenly pops into her own world. Not good. But she gave me a look.  
  
"Shh." She said sternly. Then she smiled as her eyes went out of focus. I looked around, trying to figure out the best way to get help for this lady.  
  
"All right. I'm sorry." She said. I looked at her in surprise. She seemed okay.  
  
"Now what?" I asked.  
  
"Now I will show you the good that came of it all." She said.  
  
:. Spike  
  
I followed the old man back outside and down a sidewalk. I thought of the Viper parked in the parking-lot of the bar, but I didn't say anything. The man led me to a park, and to a small pond in the center. It was frozen over, and very pretty in the lightly falling snow.  
  
"What are we doing out here? It's cold." I complained. The man laughed.  
  
"And this comes from someone with no body temperature. Buck up, kid. We've got a lot to see." He said. I frowned.  
  
"See? What are we seeing?" I asked.  
  
"Patience, William. Look." He waved a hand at the pond. I looked back down at the smooth ice. My eyes widened as a picture formed. It was the school. I saw myself which was a little weird. I was standing in the sunlight, skin beginning to sizzle. Buffy was there. She took my hand and our entwined hands burst into flame. The me down there looked at our hands in amazement. Then he looked at Buffy. She spoke, and I remembered. She said she loved me. I told her, No you don't, but thanks for saying it. Then I told her to go, adding a little humor by saying school was out. She gave me one last look and ran up the stairs.  
  
The pond-picture switched, showing Giles herding all the girls onto a school-bus. Everyone ran to the bus. Xander was still inside, yelling. He looked around frantically. The picture showed all the turok- hans on the ground, then a human. She was beaten and bloody. The picture showed her face and my eyes widened. Anya. My breath caught. She was dead. That's why I hadn't smelled her near Buffy's house. She was gone. I instantly felt bad, kind of like I should have known.  
  
The picture showed everyone on the bus. Andrew, the kid, looked dazed and in shock. Dawn looked anxious, many of the girls were beat up, and there were noticeably less. Xander looked sad, Willow looked exhausted. Faith sat by Wood, looking a little worried. Giles looked out the window. They were all looking for Buffy. The picture switched to show her running up the stairs, along the roof as it crumbled. She jumped from rooftop to rooftop, finally landing on the moving bus. They drove out of Sunnydale and then looked in amazement at the giant hole where Sunnydale was.  
  
I stared, not at the people, but at the hole. That was a big hole. That was my hole. I made a really big hole. I spotted the large "WELCOME TO SUNNYDALE" sign laying face up on top of the pile. I laughed.  
  
"Even after I destroy the whole city, I can't break that bloody sign." I remarked. The old man looked at me sternly.  
  
"That's all you notice?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, you see that hole? I did that. That was me. That's my crater, once known as Sunnydale. I'm sorry if I'm not getting your message. I'm just impressed with my bloody huge hole. Pleased with the simple things, mate." I replied. Suddenly, my hole disappeared.  
  
"I'm here to help you, Spike." The man said sharply. "Do you want to know what I'm trying to say or not?" I nodded, somewhat embarrassed.  
  
"Sorry." I said quietly. He nodded, face softening once again. I returned my gaze to the pond. The focus was on everyone.  
  
"You saved all these people, Spike. They're all alive, this world is still here because of you." The old man said. I nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Champion and all that." I said slowly. "But what happened after? Where's everyone now? I know Anya's dead. Buffy and Dawn are happy. What about everyone else?" The man raised his eyebrows but didn't comment.  
  
"Look." He said simply. I looked. The pond showed a picture of Faith. She was laughing. The principal, Wood, came into the picture, also laughing. Faith held up a hand sporting a small diamond ring. Wood smiled at her and then kissed her. The image faded and another took its place. It was a wedding. Faith and Wood's wedding. I laughed softly. The tough Slayer wore a dress. It was amazing.  
  
"These two fared well. They left the rest of the group and joined together." The man commented.  
  
"Why did they leave everyone else?" I asked. "I thought Buffy and Faith had called a truce." The man nodded.  
  
"Yes, there aren't any qualms between Faith and Buffy, but there's a certain amount of distrust between Buffy and Robin Wood. She refuses to forgive him for what he tried to do to you." He said. I smiled.  
  
"That's my girl. She won't lay down a grudge easily." I said, reminiscing. The old man smiled.  
  
"Would you like to see where the couple is now?" he asked. I nodded.  
  
"Sure. Why not." I replied. I looked into the pond. The wedding image faded and a new one took its place. I laughed outright. A pregnant Faith was sitting on a couch. Wood walked into the room. He smiled and said something. Faith laughed, looking in the direction he was. I noticed a small Christmas tree in one corner of the room and realized what they were talking about. On the top of the tree was a figure that was once an angel, though the halo and wings had been ripped off and a tiny wooden stake had been placed in her hand. It was a Slayer tree-topper. Very Faith. She loved what she did and based her life around it.  
  
"The baby is due in March." The old man said. I shook my head.  
  
"That is going to be one wild kid." I commented. The old man laughed.  
  
"Yes, I expect so." He agreed.  
  
"So, that's the fate of them two. I like Faith. She's a nice girl." I made a face. "All right, not really. But seeing as I'm a Big Bad myself, I like bad girls. I really don't like the principal though." The man shrugged.  
  
"I suppose you have good reason." He said. "However it must be said that he did not hate you quite so much after you saved the world." I grinned.  
  
"Oh yeah. Standing around in the sunlight wearing a magic amulet is a definite vote." I remarked.  
  
"It's not what you did, it's more that you actually did it." the old man explained. "You rose above everyone's expectations by remaining in the school, dying for the world. Almost no one expected you to go through with it." I looked up.  
  
"Almost?" I asked. The man looked at me.  
  
"She believed in you. That's why she gave you the amulet in the first place. She believed you would do it. She trusted you." He said softly. I looked back down.  
  
"I know." I replied evenly, but quietly. And I did. Do.  
  
:. Buffy  
  
I was ready to see what else the woman had to show me. I looked into the pond. I gasped. Girls faces were flashing through the pond.  
  
"Slayers. It was your doing, Buffy. You gave them the power. Your friend, the witch, Willow cast the spell, but it was your courage to break the rule that caused her to cast it in the first place. And it was your faith in her." The old woman explained. I nodded slowly.  
  
"They're all. . .there are so many." I breathed in amazement. The image rippled, and when it cleared I saw a dressed-up office, and one man I absolutely hated walked into the room, followed by other members of the Watcher's Council. The number was considerably smaller.  
  
"The men of the Watcher's Council, still led by your friend Quentin Travers, have taken it upon themselves to rebuild the Council and recruit and train new members. They have been taking in Slayers and training them, and are setting up a boarding school for Slayers." The woman said. I made a face.  
  
"Yeah, great! We're gonna have a bunch of cute little clones that are completely obedient to the Watcher's Council." I grumbled. The woman laughed.  
  
"Don't worry. Hopefully he has realized things are sometimes better without everything completely controlled. Though it is doubtful." She replied. I laughed too.  
  
"I bet he was pissed when we broke the Rule of One." I said. She nodded, smiling.  
  
"yes, he was very upset when he had found out what you had done, but he did enjoy that he was able to have an army of Slayers at his command." She said. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Typical. As long as he doesn't send his little army after me, I'm happy." I said. "Moving on?" The lady nodded. I returned my gaze to the pond. The image now showed our Magic Box and the Slayer classes we had set up. I saw myself, teaching a wide range of girls, the oldest being Linda, at age 37, and the youngest being Tiffany, at age 6. All the girls and women got along pretty well. I liked them all too. We were all kicking bags filled with sand and water both.  
  
"Look at what you have done with these Slayers. You have trained them all, and given them the precious knowledge that they are not the only ones who woke up with strange powers one day." The old lady said. "You gave them hope."  
  
"They're all great girls." I said. "We have a lot of fun."  
  
"If you had died, they would still be lost." The lady pointed out. (That's why we're seeing this, remember?) I sighed.  
  
"I know. It doesn't help though." I replied. "I just feel like. . .like I should have been down there with him. It's not what I did do for everyone else that bothers me. It's what I didn't do for him."  
  
"But you did everything he wanted, dear. He didn't want you down there with him. He understood that. He knew you loved him." The old woman explained. I sighed.  
  
"No, he didn't. He denied it. He died thinking I only loved him because he was saving the world, because he was going to die." I explained. The lady shook her head.  
  
"Don't you remember?" she looked down at the frozen waters. I followed her gaze. The beautiful night he and I shared appeared. Where he had just held me, made me feel secure. He had watched me while I slept. And I had known I was safe.  
  
"This night meant so much to him. You had trusted him, he had clamed you and helped you realize what you had to do. This was the one night he had dreamed of. It never was about the physical part. It meant nothing to him without you feeling something. That night he got everything he had wanted. You had felt something, and shown it. He knew that night you loved him." The old woman explained.  
  
"Then why would he deny it? He looked so amused. . ." I trailed off, remembering his smile, like when you're a kid telling an adult thank you after your mother instructed you to.  
  
"He knew you wouldn't leave if he let you know he accepted it. He had to hurt you to get you to live. Everything he had done would be in vain if you had died alongside him." The woman said.  
  
"He did know?" I asked. The lady nodded.  
  
"He did know." She replied. She looked at me. "Hm. Your still having doubts, aren't you?"  
  
"I can't explain it. I just don't feel like I should be the one living." I said. She sighed.  
  
"Well, just watch. Maybe you'll see something that would change your mind. It's time to show you other things, things you need to see." The old woman replied. I looked into the pool as a smiling Xander appeared.  
  
:. End Three  
  
Okay. This is haaard. The whole slicing-it-all-up-to-make-it-fit thing.  
  
Anyway, I wanna address some reviews 'cos. . .um. . .I want to. I KNOW chapter 3 was chapter two again since, like yesterday, and I didn't mean to put it up twice, it just kinda happened that way and I didn't know how to take it off. Hence the note "DO NOT READ" in the chapter name. Sorry.  
  
Second, to you who keeps telling me to put Lindsey in there, sorry, but no. Point a) I don't know Lindsey very well, so I don't think I could write him. Point b) I don't think he could possibly fit in here. . .with a point.  
  
Lastly, to all you who are loving it, YAY and thanx much. Now, leave more reviews and make this slicing and dicing and killing my computer easier?  
  
(I apologize, I just took an Alka-Seltzer Plus Night Time and I'm kinda getting loopy. Nighty!) 


	4. The Anya part

:. Chapter Four  
  
I had to do something about Anya, give her something to do. I mean, I absolutely love Anya, and it never was quite right that Spike supposedly never heard about her dying and all. And besides, we're going through to explain various stuff. I hate to admit it, but I think the point to this fic was lost a few days ago all except the ending. Oh well. Let's just cross our fingers and hope it all turns out for the best.  
  
Besides, I don't exactly have time to fret over this. . .I'm too hyper about going to go see Mannheim Steamroller tonight, and then me 'n a whole bunch of friends including my best friend and potential boyfriend are going to go see LOTR: Return Of The King on Friday!  
  
(Spike: Who'm I kidding? I *love* to brag!)  
  
:. Spike  
  
"Let's see what happened to someone else." I suggested, not really wanting to think about Buffy.  
  
"All right." The old man said. We suddenly saw a fancy office, nicer than Angel's, but the décor leaned more toward a well-to-do showy room than Angel's sleek office. A handful of men in suits looking all proper walked into the room. I recognized a few of them. They were all Watchers. Wesley's father was among them. Huh. I guess it wasn't his real dad he killed. I looked at the old man. He rolled his eyes.  
  
"the Watcher's Council has been re-established and they are now training Slayers." The old man said. I sighed.  
  
"No offense, but I don't care. I don't really like many Watchers." I said. The old man grimaced.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's not my fault. I just connected so I picked up on hers. I guess it's not time yet." He replied. I raised an eyebrow at the odd comment. The man made a face, and the pool went blank a moment. Then he smiled.  
  
"All right. Let's start again." He said. I looked back down at the pool. Once again, I saw Anya's bloodied form.  
  
"What is this?" I asked angrily. "I already knew she was dead." The old man frowned.  
  
"We have to start somewhere, boy. And the beginning is the best place." He replied. "Now, look. Don't worry, I'll explain." I gave him a look, then returned my gaze to the icy pond. I gasped.  
  
The whole pond was shining with color. The scene was a beautiful little town, with shining streets. No one drove cars, they all walked, wearing long, flowy garments. The pond-picture took us to a gate. There was Anya, emitting her own little glow. Her hair was what I supposed was it's natural color, a deep auburn. Suddenly, a man appeared at the gate, looking confused and a little dazed.  
  
"Do you want to hear?" the man asked. I nodded, unable to take my eyes off the one place I thought I would never see. Suddenly, I heard beautiful music, more beautiful than anything I had ever heard. And then I heard Anya.  
  
"Hello." She said.  
  
"Who are you? Where am I?" the man in the picture asked.  
  
"Oh, me? I'm Anya. I'm the gatekeeper right now. Only because I died helping to save the world." She said. The man stared at her.  
  
"You're. . .then I'm. . ." he stammered in amazement.  
  
"Yep. You're dead. Welcome to Heaven." Anya said simply. I laughed. Same old Anya.  
  
"She always did just blurt out the facts." I remarked. The sound silenced and the man smiled.  
  
"Yes, she is a bold character. The Powers let her watch the gate. She likes meeting all the people who come up. Someone has to, you know. People get confused when they die." The old man explained.  
  
"So she ended up all right. That's good to know." I said truthfully.  
  
"Oh, yes. She is all right. She met up with some other friends, some she only heard about, and a few she knew personally." The old man said. The picture changed as he spoke. I saw different people, some were Potentials who died during battle, one was the Slayer who, along with Buffy, put me in a wheelchair for a few weeks, and then there was Joyce.  
  
I was glad to see the oldest of the Summers women. Her death had been hard on everyone. Especially Buffy and Dawn.  
  
I was also very happy to see Tara. Glinda was quiet and understanding, she had accepted everyone as friends, even after she knew what had happened between me and Buffy. I never really got the full story on how she died, the highlight everyone kept returning to was Willow going evil. Tara got killed by Warren, who was trying to kill Buffy, Willow went evil and tried to destroy the world. No one mentions Tara again in the rest of the story. It was very good to know she got a happy ending as well.  
  
One of the best parts was knowing a place actually existed, a good place for people to end up at. Something to work towards. I thought about Angel, for some reason, and how we both wondered what would happen now that we both had souls. I knew he wondered. How could he not? It was something that often came across my mind. Is all this work for something better? All the pain? Will it be worth it? I knew now there was.  
  
"What else do you have to show me?" I asked. "I want to know how everyone else turned out." I was eager to find out. What about all the other people I had known? All the people I had considered my friends? What did they get?  
  
"Easy, William. One step at a time. I'm not through with Anya yet. Didn't you wonder about some things?" he asked. I looked at him.  
  
"Like. . .what?" I asked.  
  
"Didn't you wonder why you're here? And corporeal?" the old man asked. I stared.  
  
"Anya did that?" I realized. The old man nodded.  
  
"She helped. The Powers let her. You see, your essence was sucked into the amulet. Unfortunately, the amulet, with you inside, was trapped at the near bottom of the giant crater you mentioned. Anya was allowed to move it to the top." The old man explained. He looked to the pond, and I did as well. The amulet appeared at the top of my crater. Xander reached down and picked it up. He gave it to Buffy, who stared at the magic talisman in her hand. Her fingers curled around it and my heart leapt.  
  
She cared. Somehow I knew it. She held the last piece of me in her hands, and she knew it. I saw the sadness in her hazel eyes as she walked away with the amulet still tight in her hand. With me in her hand. I smiled, remembering the saying "She had me in the palm of her hand." It was true. There I was, and there she was, and I didn't even know it. And neither did she. She only saw it as a memory.  
  
"Buffy could not keep the amulet." He said. "She kept it with her until it broke her heart. It hurt too much to keep. So she sent it back to Angel."  
  
"But why did I pop out when Angel opened it?" I asked. The man pointed to the pool. It showed Angel opening a package. The amulet fell out and hit the floor. A really neat swirl of sparkling dust and flame flew out and re-created me. A very freaked out, confused me.  
  
"So, yeah. Angel drops the pretty necklace and I fall out. Still doesn't explain why." I said. The picture backed up and closed in on the amulet hitting the ground. A tiny crack appeared when the heavy amulet made contact with the floor of Angel's office. The lights and dust, which were me, flew out of the tiny crack. Suddenly, the crack lit up green, then disappeared, and I appeared.  
  
"The crack released your essence, or at least part of it. Just your mind, your spirit. Enough to make you visible-"  
  
"But not corporeal." I finished for the old man. He nodded.  
  
"So Anya worked to find a way to gather up the rest of your essence and send it to you. The Powers then realized they couldn't do a thing to stop her meddling in the lives of others, so they made her gatekeeper." He explained.  
  
"So she sent me the box with the blinding flash of light. And the blinding flash of light was my missing piece." I worked out.  
  
"Exactly." The man replied. We were silent a minute.  
  
"Uh, are we done with Anya?" I asked.  
  
"yes, we are finished talking about Anya. And it's time to show you other things, things you need to see." The man said. I looked to the pond again, ready to see whatever came next.  
  
:. End Chapter Four.  
  
Okay. Now I'm just dividing things up by people or whatever. I'm trying, okay? Just shoot me. Someone? Or at least review me. . . 


	5. The Xander and Willow and Giles part

:. Chapter Five :.  
  
A/N: MS was pretty good. I'm totally going out to get the Romantic Melodies CD. Pretty songs. 'n guess what. I got my hair colored again. I'm a strawberry blonde. Again. Yay me! Okay. I just realized today is Wednesday and TOMORROW is Thursday, so I'll just go on with the fic now. :. Spike  
  
I looked to the pond again, ready to see whatever came next. The frozen water rippled and Xander appeared, looking tired and dirty. He looked around the school bus, then exited and walked up to Andrew.  
  
"Sound?" I asked.  
  
"No, what was she like?" Xander was saying. Andrew looked down.  
  
"She was amazing. She died saving my life." He said. Xander put his hand on the boy's shoulder.  
  
"That's my girl." He said, eyes becoming bright with held back tears. "Always doing the stupid thing." I lost the sound again, seeing as the old man had more to say.  
  
"Losing Anya had a large impact on Xander. The two of them had been slowly drifting back towards each other." He explained. "He still loved her. Losses had been hitting him hard lately. The loss of his eye, the near loss of his best friend, and the loss of his love." I remained silent. Loss was something I knew well.  
  
The image changed, showing Xander in a hospital.  
  
"Xander recently replaced his missing eye with a glass one for looks, and is saving to be able to have a false eye, so he can have sight in both eyes again." The man continued. "He is back in the construction business, having found someone a friend had referred him to."  
  
That was good. The kid was good at a few things, and one of those was building.  
  
"So, um, how did he take me saving the world?" I asked, curious to whether Xander resented my heroism or not. The old man smiled.  
  
"He finally realized there is more than good and evil in race. He has a respect for you now, and your sacrifice helped him to forgive Angel as well." He replied. I smirked.  
  
"Hm, didn't mean to do that." I commented flippantly. The man frowned.  
  
"It's not a bad thing, William." He said. "Angel's not the villain. I know the two of you have, ah, unresolved issues, but it's not wrong for you to help each other our now and again. You're on the same path, you know."  
  
"Yeah, a path where one of us is gonna end up being alive and the other goes poof." I replied. "I'm just making sure it's not gonna be me in the ash tray." The man sighed. I guess he wanted us to call a truce or something. As if that would happen.  
  
"so. We were talking about Xander." I moved on. The man nodded, face clearing.  
  
"Yes, that's right. Now, Xander found common ground with the witch, Willow. They are currently living together. The realized neither would be betraying their lost lovers by bring together." He continued. I smiled. Xander and Willow were finally together. I'd always known it would come down to the two of them. I mean, Tara and Anya were great. But Willow and Xander were made for each other. I realized I was being the hopeless romantic again and turned back to the pool innocently.  
  
The picture there made my smile widen. Willow and Xander were working on a bookshelf for their apartment. Xander said something to Willow, then turned away. The board he had been holding up just floated there. He turned back around with a screwdriver and looked at the flying board in surprise. Willow giggled. Xander joined in. The redhead laughed so hard the board fell, which made both of them laugh even harder.  
  
"They look pretty happy." I said. The man nodded.  
  
"They are very happy together." He replied. "They still all meet at the re-built and relocated Magic Box. Nothing really changed." A picture of the inside of a small shop appeared.  
  
It was the same old Magic Box, but different. The large table in the middle of the room was new, and the layout was different.  
  
"Xander helped to build the shop. Willow helps to run it. They also all run a Slayer training center there." The old man continued. "Willow teaches magic, earth-magic, to the Slayers. . .simple, useful spells, like locating spells, healing spells, spells to contact for help, shielding spells, things like that. She also sells items with Mr. Giles."  
  
"Ah, yeah. Good ol' Rupes." I said coolly. He wasn't someone I forgave easily either. I still had a light friendship, but it was dusted with mistrust. I hadn't forgotten how he had set me up to be killed by the principal. That wasn't something you just forgave.  
  
"He too learned his ways, William." The old man said gently.  
  
"So he'll stop setting the good guys up to be dusted then?" I asked.  
  
"After he realized you really meant to help instead of harm, he understood his mistake. He thought it was to late to apologize to you, but he did apologize to Buffy. He admitted he was wrong, and explained how he knew you were on the right side." The man said. "Buffy forgave him, though it took quite a bit of convincing. It was his idea to set up the new Magic Box."  
  
"Good for him. We were talking about Willow, right?" I changed the subject quickly. I really didn't want to talk about Giles, converted or not. Not on my list of favorite conversation topics, with the killing and the hating. The vengeance I still half-wanted would probably summon two or three vengeance demons.  
  
"All right. The witch." The man said understandingly. I was glad he didn't press matters. That would have made me cranky and then I would pout and get all Angel-like because my soul would keep me from going off to kill someone to ease the crankiness. I guess I could always go kill some demon, but then it would make it a bit harder to go drown my sorrows in Willy's finest.  
  
"Willow and Kennedy ended up not getting along very well. Kennedy wanted to bring Willow into her big, fancy, rich life, and Willow wanted to move off with her friends. They had argument after argument until they finally went their own ways." The man said. That was all right, and kind of a relief. I knew obviously things hadn't worked out, and I was glad. Never liked Kennedy. She was a real brat.  
  
"Willow then turned to Xander, once again. They both realized they had always loved each other. And together, they decided they wouldn't be betraying their lovers who had died by loving each other. I think everyone knew they would be together in the end. So Willow gave up her title as a lesbian and turned straight and to Xander." The old man said. I smiled watching as the two of them went out for ice-cream, then more recently decorating a Christmas tree with little menorahs, representing both of their celebrations.  
  
"It was always them." I agreed. The image changed, showing Willow performing some magic for a group of girls, the Slayers.  
  
"She has found the essence of true, white magic and has been working to transfer some of her favorite dark-arts spells into pure magic, finding new and better ways to perform the once harmful magic." The man continued. I was glad. She did love doing magic, though it got her in trouble. I remembered one of my personal favorite flukes where Buffy and I nearly got married. I remembered when she corrected her mistake and Buffy and I quickly broke a passionate kiss. I had watched her face carefully, wondering what her reaction would be. She began to freak, so I copied. Truthfully, it hadn't been that bad. I hadn't exactly been in love with her then, but it hadn't been the worst of experiences.  
  
I suddenly realized the old man was watching me with a curious look on his face.  
  
"What?" I asked, kind of wondering what all he could do, like reading minds, maybe?  
  
"What are you thinking of, William?" he asked. I grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Just remembering some of the more entertaining bloopers in Red's spell-casting." I replied.  
  
"Like the incident where you lost your memory perhaps?" the man suggested. An image came on screen, everyone waking up and freaking out because they didn't know who they were or anyone else was. I was on the counter in that awful suit I had stolen off of. . .what was that bloke's name? Oh, I grinned, Randy. I remembered freaking out, thinking Giles, my "father" had named me Randy Giles.  
  
"That was fun." I remarked.  
  
"Or maybe the spell in which you did whatever the witch wanted?" he said, eyes glinting so I knew he knew what I had been thinking.  
  
"Or what about bringing Buffy back to life?" He continued. My smile faded, remembering how scared and silent Buffy had been that night. How scared and utterly pissed off I had been when I realized they had brought her back to life without even bothering to dig her from her grave.  
  
The image showed when she had first come down the stairs, looking so timid, like she was afraid of what I would think. Dawn had been happy, but somewhat sad, as if she knew some of her sister was still in that grave.  
  
"I was talking about the mess-ups. Bringing Buffy back to life was not a mistake." I said firmly. Buffy could never be a mistake.  
  
"Disastrous consequences came with bringing Buffy back to life. The whole reason you had to die was because brining Buffy back brought on unbalance. If she had stayed dead as she was supposed to, many things never would have happened." The man pointed out. "You never would have had to die, or get a soul, or spend time with Angel. Tara would never had died, nor Anya, Willow would never have tried to destroy the world, all those girls never would have died, there never would have been a war-" I cut the man off there angrily.  
  
"Demon bikers would have destroyed Sunnydale, and possibly the world, Willow and Xander would never have found each other, Dawn never would have been able to prove herself to Buffy and all of us as a helpful fighter, All those Slayers never would have been Slayers, Willow would never have found pure magic, the First would have eventually found a way to start the war. . ." I paused in my ranting, taking a deep breath. "And I wouldn't be here now." The man nodded.  
  
"Precisely. You wouldn't be here. You would be off doing whatever you like to do, without worrying about Buffy or anything. You wouldn't have been sitting dejectedly in that bar on Christmas Eve. You'd be off having an adventure or something of the sort." The man agreed. I shook my head impatiently.  
  
"No, that's not what I mean. If I hadn't staked myself out of pure depression, which I came close to doing a few times, I would have been killed anyway. Just before the war, the chip the Initiative put into my head that sent bolts of electricity through my brain whenever I attempted to harm a human malfunctioned. It started going off on its own. Sooner or later it would have killed me. Buffy made the decision to have it removed. No one else would have. No one else had the authority." I explained grimly.  
  
"If Buffy hadn't returned, I would be dead." I concluded, looking up.  
  
:. End Chapter Five.  
  
Fun. Not so much with the long, but whatever.  
  
This is the part where I address reviews. Adpi24? Yeah. . .kinda knew that. Kinda cheered when that happened. Never liked Quentin. But I wanted to do something fun like that so I did some more altering. I like to alter. If only I could do dresses. . .  
  
CelticCat: Hey, dude, gimee what, two more chapters and THEN. . .THEN I can start with the Spuffiness. You'll see. Just a bit more to explain.  
  
Everyone Else: Wowie! Ya know I popped on here, gettin' ready to post 'n all and I clicked on to my Stats page. . .I woke up ten minutes later on the floor. jeeminy Christmas! From 11 to 25. More than I expected. So a big thanx and gummi worms to all my adoring fans! (steals all the yellow-red gummi worms then throws packages minus yellow-reds to all the people)  
  
A'ight. Next up we've got the Odd Out Of Place Spike VS Angel bit I absolutely could not resist putting in there, and then. . .and then. . .uh oh. I think I need to go write some more * ducks back into her little hole Pylea-Fred style *.  
  
(calling out all echo-like) Leave your reviews in the little box. . .box. . .box. . .box. . . 


	6. The Part Where Buffy Gets Angry At Angel

:. Chapter Six  
  
AN: Gah. I had to cut this up. So I would have a little more time to get everything in. So Angel VS Spike is NEXT chapter. Sorry. I lied. I'm a baaaad person. I guess this means I won't be getting rights to AtS 'n BtVS for Christmas, huh? Okay, at least a car then? Or a laptop? A guitar? A life?!  
  
:. Buffy  
  
I watched as images of my friends flew through. Shots of Xander, Willow, Giles. Most of them having fun, like Willow and Xander decorating for Christmas, and Giles training some of the girls, and talking to me over a cup of tea (him) and a french vanilla cappuccino (me). I looked up at the lady after the images stopped.  
  
"You see, Buffy? Those images would be much less happy if you had died with him." She explained.  
  
"But there aren't any images of Spike. That's my problem. We're all happy, but it's like when I killed Angel to destroy the world. What if Spike's in some hell-dimension? What if I left him to crumble into the Hellmouth, with all those Turok-hans, and now he's being eternally punished?" I asked, letting all my worries spill out. The woman smiled.  
  
"You don't understand. It was what he was meant to do. There is no way he could have a bad ending after saving the world like he did." She said comfortingly. But she was the one who didn't understand.  
  
"No, he died in a Hellmouth. Hell-mouth. Mouth of Hell. As in the fiery world of all evil and torment." I said pointedly. "How could it be happy? There's no room for happy in hell. When Angel came back, He didn't talk for days, and when he did, it was jumbled and insane for a long time. And he was down there for a much shorter time than Spike has been already." The woman sighed.  
  
"Look, darling, you yourself jumped into a portal to a hell dimension. How did you turn out?" she asked. I thought a moment. Oh.  
  
"I. . .I ended up in Heaven." I replied quietly.  
  
"You see? How do you know Spike has such a different fate for doing the exact same thing?" She pointed out.  
  
"I died. I don't know if he fell in. . .or if . . ." I trailed off as an image appeared in the iced pond.  
  
I saw myself run up the stairs to the exit. Spike was still standing in the sunlight, looking determined and somewhat excited. He let out a laugh as his skin began to burn. His eyes sparkled, and he looked pleased and ready as he began to turn to dust. There was a flash of golden light, and one last smirk before he dusted completely. The image faded. I turned to the woman, tears rolling down my cheeks.  
  
"He died, just like you, Buffy." She said gently. "Do you feel better?"  
  
"Well, a little. I mean, he did do a lot, and he had a soul. A soul that at least gets a chance to be judged. And saving the world does count as a pass into heaven, right?" I asked hopefully. The woman laughed.  
  
"Of course it does, honey." She assured me. I wiped off my tears and smiled, feeling much lighter than I had in a long time. Spike was in a better place. He wasn't in hell. I felt a lot better about not dying with him if he got a happy ending.  
  
"So he's probably being praised and stuff and he knows I'm here and I love him." I told myself aloud.  
  
"Now have you come to terms with his death?" The woman asked. I nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Definitely. Thank you." I said, smiling at her. She returned the smile.  
  
"Good. Now that you've accepted his death, we'll find out what happened after!" She said, clapping her hands together, as if this had been the part she had been waiting for. I stared at her in confusion and surprise. After. . .? There was more? What more could there be?  
  
"What?" I inquired weakly, unable to voice the rest of my wonders. "After?"  
  
"Yes, of course. There is more to this tale you know." The woman replied. The closed her eyes a moment, then opened them. "Right."  
  
"Watch." She said, indicating the icy pond. I looked again, wondering what I would see.  
  
Angel was sitting on his desk, talking to his friends, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, and the green demon. I think his name is Larry or Loren. Oh, I remembered. His name was Lorne. They were all talking happily, looking like they had just had success in a fight or something. Angel picked up a yellow envelope. The one I had sent him with the amulet he had given me and I had given Spike. He was laughing as he tore into it. The amulet fell out and hit the floor. I caught a glimpse of a tiny crack.  
  
My eyes widened. Dust and small flames poured from the amulet, swirling around until the crack lit green, then closed. The swirls built up into a skeleton, which filled in to reveal a screaming Spike. He stopped screaming and looked around at the surprised group, eyes full of fear and confusion. Angel and Wesley stepped forward, looking suspicious and none too pleased. Spike looked at each person in turn, then his blue eyes settled on Angel and widened slightly. He said something, then changed into vampy-face. He dove for Angel.  
  
I gasped. Spike had gone straight through the other vampire and was now standing in, yes, *in* the desk behind him. His anger visibly faded with the vampy-face and was replaced with confusion as he looked down at the half of him sticking up from the solid wood.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" I asked.  
  
"Spike's essence had been trapped in the amulet. He was trapped inside until Angel dropped it. Part of his essence was able to escape through the crack before the enchantment on the amulet fixed itself. Unfortunately, not enough essence was released to allow Spike to become corporeal." The old woman explained. "He was also trapped within the city limits of Los Angeles, unless the amulet would come with him." I frowned.  
  
"Why didn't Angel tell me?" I asked. "I've called since sending him the amulet. . .why wouldn't he tell me about something like this?" The old woman gave me a look.  
  
"Don't you remember when Angel figured out about you and Spike?" she asked. I remembered. He wasn't happy. He didn't think it was right, and what's more, he was completely jealous.  
  
"I cannot believe him. Something this important happens and he gets jealous." I stormed. "I don't understand why he wouldn't say something! That must be why he kept cutting our talks shorter and shorter." The woman nodded.  
  
"Yes, he didn't like Spike coming back. The first thing Spike asked about when he came back was you." I smiled as she told me this. "Angel did not want him going back to you. He has a hard time understanding why you would choose Spike over him."  
  
"I know." I replied. "He thinks I should be sitting around pouting because we can never be together, like he does. He doesn't know how to move on."  
  
"Yes, you're right." The woman agreed. "He had the amulet locked away, keeping it out of harm's way, and away from Spike." I stared. Angel locked it away for a reason.  
  
"Then Spike couldn't come back if he tried. It's Angel's fault Spike hasn't come back!" I cried. I turned. "I have to get to Los Angeles!" the woman grabbed my arm and I was amazed at her grip.  
  
"wait. There is more." She said, directing me back to the pond. I sighed, looking back down. The quicker I was done with this, the quicker I could get to LA and to Spike. I needed to see him, to talk to him, to make sure he knew I really loved him. I didn't know why the woman didn't understand that, but I knew she wouldn't let me go until she had told me all she had to tell. Besides, it would be best to know as much as I could about what had happened to him.  
  
I concentrated on what was happening. Spike was following Angel around. I smiled. Spike had his smirk in place, and his eyes were sparkling with mischief. Angel looked annoyed, and I could tell Spike was having fun being a ghost. Suddenly, Spike's face changed to a look of horror, and he disappeared.  
  
"What?! Where did he go?" I asked, searching the picture. He was gone.  
  
"Listen." The woman replied. Suddenly, I could hear things happening in the picture. The image changed to one of the girl, Fred. She had a look of pity on her face.  
  
"It's no place for heroes. It's the one with the pain. And the torment." Spike was saying. "It's like the world is falling apart and I've got a foot on either side. And every time I go back, the crack opens a little more."  
  
He turned around, looking out the window.  
  
"I'm scared." He admitted quietly. He turned back, looking at Fred with pleading eyes. "Help me?"  
  
"He's being sucked into hell?" I cried in distress. "I have to-I have to go help him!" The woman shook her head.  
  
"No, I'm not done, girl. This all happened a while back." She said. I looked at the picture again. Spike was standing in the middle of Angel's office, trying to get everyone's attention as they all tried to figure out where he was.  
  
"Spike was being controlled by a ghost named Pavayne." The woman explained. "Spike defeated the ghost, learning then how to touch things, to be corporeal for a while." The image showed Spike writing the word REAPER in Fred's shower wall. I felt a twinge of jealousy, him being there while she was in the shower. But I could see all he wanted was help.  
  
The image changed again to show Spike putting his hand through a glass beaker. Suddenly he touched it and it fell off the shelf. His eyes lit up, and he looked around to see if anyone was watching.  
  
"His skill improved. He could pick up a few things. And. . ." she indicated the image, smiling. Spike closed his eyes a moment, drawing back one hand and holding the other up in a "stop" position. He opened his eyes and slammed his fist into the face of. . .a ninja? A ninja which had Gunn in a death-grip. I smiled. He was able to hit things. He probably was happy.  
  
"What about the sucked-into-hell thing?" I asked. "Is that still happening?"  
  
"No." the old woman replied. "That was Pavayne trying to pull him in." I sighed in relief. I had been very worried. I didn't want Spike to go to hell. That had been one of my worst fears about him.  
  
"One day, Spike got a box in the mail."  
  
I watched Spike and Harmony arguing about who should open the box. At least it looked like that. Finally, Harmony cut it open and a big blue light flashed, blinding Harmony, Spike, and me.  
  
"Ow. What was that?" I rubbed my eyes, trying to get rid of the dots flying around before them.  
  
"A gift from above." The woman replied, as Spike walked straight into the door, and bouncing back onto the ground. I giggled.  
  
"Idiot. Didn't he see the door was-" then it hit me. "Why didn't he go through? He's a ghost right?"  
  
"Thanks to a friend, the Powers found a way to restore the rest of his essence, making him corporeal." The old woman explained. "He was freed from the amulet."  
  
:. End Chapter Six  
  
Okay. Two more. I swear. Then Spuffiness abounds. I promise.  
  
Reviews welcome. I'm having a White Rabbit here! 


	7. The Spike VS Angel Chapter

:. Chapter Seven  
  
AN: DUDETTE! I completely forgot I had to post this yesterday. Too busy with Return of King & my best friend. But it was fun. And I promise there will be two chapters today. As soon as I write the next chapter anyways. . .  
  
:. Buffy  
  
"Thanks to a friend, the Powers found a way to restore the rest of his essence, making him corporeal." The old woman explained. "He was freed from the amulet." I prepared to ask a question, but the image changed to Spike tapping his chest, then Angel's. Angel stared. Gunn walked up and Spike gave him a big hug, happy to be able to touch things again.  
  
Suddenly, the image showed Harmony, eyes bloodied, attacking Spike. I kind of wondered what Harmony was doing there but then remembered she was Angel's new secretary.  
  
"Unfortunately, the incident opened an opportunity for someone to begin to put a plan into place. A new part of the Shanshu prophecy was added by a man named Sirk. Don't worry about that now. The only important part is the new part." The old woman said. I kind of smiled at her knowledge that I was preparing to ask what the Shanshu was. I watched as Spike, Angel, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne. I didn't see Wesley. An old man sat at a desk reading things from an old manuscript. Angel and Spike seemed to be commenting every so often, each watching the other carefully. The man said something which caught both of the vampires' attention.  
  
"The prophecy refers to a vampire with a soul being a champion, and he is to receive a great gift. Since Spike received a soul, and then saved the world, the question has been raised, which souled vampire is the One? This addition referred to a way of settling the score. The vampire which drinks of the Cup of Perpetual Torment was destined to, and therefore is the rightful champion." The old woman explained.  
  
I watched as Spike slipped out of the room, unnoticed. He quickly made his way to the basement, getting into a red viper and driving quickly off. I noticed his face had the same determined yet relaxed grin he had worn when he was in the basement. Of course he would jump into action to get to the cup first. But as soon as Angel realized he was gone, he went after him.  
  
The two arrived at an old, abandoned opera house.  
  
"Now you should watch." The woman sad softly, and I could suddenly hear what was going on again.  
  
Angel walked down through the rows of seats the old opera hall toward the stage where a golden cup sat spotlighted on a pedestal. Angel jumped onto the stage, looking all ready to be a hero. But just as he got close to the cup, Spike jumped down from the rafters behind him. Angel stopped, rolling his eyes, but he didn't turn around. Spike stared at the cup, and Angel still wasn't able to stop looking at it.  
  
"Thought it'd be a little less goldeny," Spike commented "what with the torment and all." Angel sighed.  
  
"So. . . what do we do now?" Angel asked. Spike smirked and slammed his fist into Angels' face.  
  
"What do you think?" he asked. Fight it out until the end, I realized. I silently hoped this would be a death match as Angel got up. Spike watched, smirk still firmly in place.  
  
"Come on! Let's see how much soul you really got in there." He taunted. Angel frowned at the younger vampire.  
  
"Spike, we don't have time for this." He said solemnly, all business.  
  
"Keep your knickers dry, Sally." Spike teased, getting ready for the fight to come. "You're not gonna last that long." Angel sighed.  
  
"Fine." He said confidently. "We'll do it your way."  
  
Angel and Spike started fighting. They traded punches, then Spike threw Angel up onto a balcony. Angel landed on a cross, jumping up as it burned his flesh. He angrily kicked the cross down to the stage below, missing Spike, who laughed.  
  
" Oh, yeah. Look at you." He said. "Thinking you're the big savior- fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms-but you still can't lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you?"  
  
"Like you're any different." Angel replied. Spike frowned at him.  
  
"Well, that's just it. I am. And you know it." he said. "You had a soul forced on you-as a curse. Make you suffer for all the horrible things you'd done. But me... I fought for my soul. Went through the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over, but I kept fighting. 'Cause I knew it was the right thing to do." I bit my lip. Spike had explained the same thing to me, but I never listened. Not until it was too late. Spike leapt up onto the balcony, face to face with Angel.  
  
"It's my destiny." He told the older vampire. Angel gave him a look, eyes glinting angrily.  
  
"Really?" he asked in mock surprise. "Heard it was just to get into a girl's pants." Spike's eyes widened and he flipped a bar into his hands with his foot. He swung it at Angel, but Angel rolled past Spike off the balcony, landing on the stage. He walked towards the cup readily. Spike threw the bar. It barely missed Angel, sticking in the ground solidly. Angel turned in surprise as Spike leaped down, with a new bar. He twirled it dangerously.  
  
Spike came after Angel with a loud yell. Angel tore the other bar from the ground and the two began staff-fighting with the two bars. Angel got past Spike's bar, knocking him to the ground.  
  
"Used to hit a lot harder, Gramps." Spike commented, jumping back up.  
  
" No, you're head's just gotten thicker." Angel shot back. The two continued to fight, Spike on the defensive. Angel swung the bar like a bat, knocking Spike backwards. I watched Spike fly into the balcony above, wincing at the loud crash. Angel joined him and started to hit him again. Spike stood up and blocked the swing.  
  
"You're not going to win this time." Spike growled. I kinda wondered about the "This Time". Had there been another fight? One I didn't know about? But the query was pushed from my head as the storm raged on.  
  
Spike hit Angel, knocking him off of the balcony. He landed on the stage, coughing and bleeding at the mouth. Spike jumped down after him.  
  
"Vampire with a soul." Spike said grandly. "Nobody knows what side he's gonna fight on... when the big show comes down. Except we already know what side you're on, don't we? Already made your choice. Traded in your cape and tights for a nice comfy chair at Wolfram & bloody Hart."  
  
Spike swung the bar around, aiming for Angel's neck, but Angel reached up and grabbed the bar.  
  
"Little more complicated than that." Angel said, standing up and pushing Spike down with the bar. "But you always were a bit simple, Willy." Willy?  
  
He walked over to the cup victoriously. Angel reached out to take the cup, but Spike flung himself at him, knocking him down. They both scrambled to their feet, each having a grip on the other's throat. Spike's eyes glowed angrily.  
  
"Come on, hero. Tell me more." Spike said, punching Angel in the face with every sentence. "Teach me what it means. And I'll tell you why you can't stand the bloody sight of me."  
  
"Tell it to your therapist." Angel spat, returning a few punches, but they lacked the power Spike's had. He was weakening.  
  
" Cause every time you look at me. . ." Spike continued, keeping the same punching pattern.  
  
you see all the dirty little things I've done, all the lives I've taken, because of you!" Angel looked at him with a bloodied and bruised face. "Drusilla sired me, but you. . . you made me a monster." Spike growled, punching Angel once more. In the split second before Angel fell, I saw in his eyes it was true. It hurt to realize that myself. Angel knew it, and so did I. Angel had taught Spike everything about being a vampire. Everything Spike had done, Angel had taught him how.  
  
Spike walked over towards the cup, looking grim, but prepared for whatever came next. Angel looked up, the truth I had seen before gone from his eyes. They were now filled with stony anger and distaste. He glared at Spike.  
  
"I didn't make you, Spike. I just opened up the door," he said, standing up. "and let the real you out." Spike's blue eyes flashed and he picked up the cross Angel had kicked at him. He swung it at Angel, knocking him across the room. Spike walked forward, holding the cross in his hands as they sizzled.  
  
"You never knew the real me." He growled, tossing the cross away and continued walking towards Angel. "Too busy trying to see your own reflection... praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I'm nothing like you!"  
  
I remembered when I had compared the two of them before when explaining Spike's souled state to Faith. He had denied it, face clouding over. Now that I really looked at it, he had been right. The two were as far apart as could be. And I'm not talking about physical appearance. Angel fought to be a hero. So people would look at him as a good guy. Spike fought for love, for life, to prove he really was a good guy.  
  
"No. You're less." Angel replied. "That's why Buffy never really loved you: Because you weren't me." But I did love Spike. Angel didn't know that, Spike didn't know that, but I did. I do. No matter how many times I denied it, or how long it took me to realize it, I loved him. And somehow, as I watched Spike's face, I knew he did too. The angry fire burning in his eyes grew as he grabbed Angel by the lapels of his jacket, slamming him up against the wall.  
  
"Guess that means she was thinking about you, all those times I was puttin' it to her." He said. The dart hit home. Angel's eyes widened, then narrowed. He grabbed Spike's wrists and wrenched them from his coat. He punched Spike, then threw him across the room. My heart stopped as he crashed into the wooden props, causing them to break into sharp pieces. Fortunately, he wasn't dusted.  
  
Spike grabbed a piece of wood and jumped to his feat, flinging punches which Angel blocked. Suddenly, he shoved his sharp piece of wood into Angel's arm. Angel pulled out the wood, glaring first at it, then at Spike.  
  
"All right." He said solemnly, changing into vamp-face. "let's finish this" Spike's face darkened. He knew it was now serious. They studied each other a moment. Spike and Angel ran at each other, Spike grabbing a new piece of wood along the way.  
  
I just stared as they fought. I couldn't do anything else. It was terrifyingly amazing. I remembered commenting the two of them should be locked in a room to "rassle it out" but this was not what I had expected to happen. Both of them were fighting with everything they had. Somehow, when I had imagined this happening, I always figured I'd be rooting for Angel, hoping he would just stake Spike like I couldn't. But I didn't care. I thought I would feel every wound Angel received, becoming angrier and angrier at Spike. But I didn't feel it. I was worried about Spike. I was worried a little about Angel too. . .He was still considered a friend. But I loved Spike. I couldn't watch him die. I hoped that wasn't what the old woman was asking me to do.  
  
Angel scratched Spike's chest with his makeshift stake. It made my stomach hurt thinking about how close that was to staking him.  
  
"How's it feel?" he asked. Spike made an identical mark on Angel's chest. Which, I realized, didn't hurt me as much.  
  
"You tell me." He shot back. He dropped the stake and blocked a kick from Angel.  
  
Spike kicked Angel repeatedly in the stomach, and Angel's stake flew from his hand. Spike kicked him to the ground, catching it. he prepared to stake Angel. I held my breath, wondering. I mean, even if I loved Spike, it was still Angel about to be dust here. Spike hesitated for a moment, then shoved the stake into Angel's shoulder. Angel let his face slip back into human form, looking surprised that Spike didn't stake him. Spike noticed his stare.  
  
"Probably should've dusted you." He said, also going back to human-face. "But honestly... I don't want to hear her complain about it." Her. Me, he meant. The only reason he didn't stake Angel is because he knew I wouldn't like it. Sweet, but a little aggravating. I guess peace is a little too much to ask of him though. . . Them, really.  
  
Spike left Angel on the ground and walked back to the cup. Angel pulled the stake out of his shoulder, wincing. He looked at Spike.  
  
"Spike, wait." He said. Spike ignored him and picked up the cup.  
  
"Wait." Angel repeated pleadingly. Spike rolled his eyes and looked over at Angel. "That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cross." Angel stood up, holding eye contact with Spike.  
  
"One you're gonna have to bear till it burns you to ashes. Believe me. I know." Angel continued, speaking calmly but urgently. Spike set the cup back down and tilted his head at Angel. I knew the look. He was listening even though his mind was already made up. "So ask yourself: Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me?" Spike seemed to considered everything a moment. Then he shrugged.  
  
"Bit of both." He admitted, grabbing the cup and downing the liquid. I whipped my head around to look at the old lady.  
  
"So what now? He's got the. . ..the. . ." what was it called? Oh. "Cup of Perpetual Torment? He's being tormented?" The woman laughed.  
  
"Hardly. You see, dear. It was a setup." She said. I looked back. Spike dropped the cup and stared at Angel.  
  
"It's. . .Mountain Dew." He said in amazement. My jaw met gravity and hit the ground.  
  
"Mountain Dew?!" I cried. "They did all that for a cup of Mountain Dew? So basically fought for no reason at all." The old woman sighed.  
  
"Whoever set the trap obviously wanted them to finish each other off." She said. My eyes narrowed angrily. Who would want to kill the only two good vampires in the world? Okay, there was like, all the other demons in the world, but to set them up against each other? Too smart for someone who didn't know the two and the major grudge they're holding.  
  
I remembered with a stab of guilt what I had told Spike the last night we were together: "I'm gonna lock you two up in a room and let you rassle it out." I hadn't meant anything like this. Nothing. This was. . .they just fought. And fought. And fought. And they wouldn't stop until there was a winner.  
  
I smiled. Spike was the winner. He had beat Angel, false prophecy or no. In the end, it had been him that was stronger. My Spike was the stronger of the two vampires. I felt kinda proud. Except. . .  
  
"Okay. Then what?" I asked. "False prophecy, yeah. But what happened next? Is Spike looking for the guy who tricked them? Shirt or whatever his name was?"  
  
"Sirk, and no." the woman looked at me for a long moment, then smiled. "I suppose it is time to bring my tale to a conclusion." She said. I looked at her. I has been beginning to wonder if there actually was a point to all this.  
  
:. End Chapter Seven  
  
Yeah. . .now we need a really long chapter in which Spike finds out about Buffy 'n stuff, then all the fun begins. More fun.  
  
Okay, I keep getting reviews saying this is like A Christmas Carol. You know, I never really thought about that. But yeah, I guess it is kinda like that. I didn't mean to, but I guess that's what happened. Yeah! Go me!  
  
Harm Marie: White Rabbit, like from Alice In Wonderland "I'm late! I'm late!"  
  
Kari: Am I really that predictable? That was not too awful far off.  
  
Everyone else: Still glad y'all are enjoying it. I do try.  
  
Gimee more interesting reviews so I can find interesting ways to answer them. Oh, and Faye's here! Say hi to my best friend! 


	8. The Chapter Where Buffy Cries A Lot and ...

Chapter Eight  
  
AN: Okay. This is only gonna be a ten chapter story. So much for brilliant ideas. Forgot how busy it gets this close to Christmas. Terribly sorry, but hey, reunion next time!  
  
This is the semi-long Spike Finds Out About Buffy segment. Much fun to be had.  
  
:. Spike  
  
"If Buffy hadn't returned, I would be dead." I concluded, looking up. The man grinned at me, pointing a finger in triumph. I kind of wondered why. I mean, is that what he wanted me to realize? But I already knew that.  
  
"That," he said. "is it. That's the whole point, isn't it?" I started. Okay, the whole conversation just turned around with me knowing. . .absolutely nothing.  
  
"you mean that me being saved by Buffy's return is the whole point?" I asked, confused.  
  
"Oh, but you have to look at the big picture." The old man said. "the two of you have saved each other many times. And here we come to the reality of this whole evening. I came to show you your friends, but you must *see* them yourself." I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. I knew what he was asking em to do, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to doing.  
  
"So. . .you want me to go back. Is that the point to our little game?" I asked. The man laughed.  
  
"there's always a catch. That's what you're thinking, isn't it?" he asked gently. I frowned.  
  
"Somewhere along those lines, yeah. What's it to you?" I replied. I was not liking where our conversation was going. And the fact he knew exactly what I was thinking did not help my mood.  
  
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, William." The man explained.  
  
"No, but I'm picking up major hint-hint vibes here." I said. He smiled.  
  
"It will not have such great consequences as you expect." He said. I sighed again.  
  
"Look, I want to go back. Really, I do. And I know most of them won't mind. Too much, anyway. But. . .they're happy. Dawn and Buffy, I mean." I explained. "I did see for myself. They moved on. I don't want to drag the past back up. It would ruin everything." And we would be exactly where we started, with Buffy begin angry and hating me and me trying to convince her otherwise. Not something I wanted to go through again. I think we've played enough "kick the Spike" for a good lifetime or two.  
  
"Hm, you really think that." The man said. I shook my head.  
  
"No, I know that." I replied. . .sadly, but confidently. No matter how I tried to imagine a happy reunion, I always knew in the back of my mind it was going to end the same way. With Buffy angry and me hurt once again. She would be hurt as well. If I came back, I would hurt her. Again.  
  
"Really." The man said, raising his silver eyebrows. "Do you now? Of course. You're all knowing when it comes to others' feelings, aren't you?" I frowned at him. He was doing that cryptic thing again.  
  
"Are you telling me I'm wrong?" I asked. But that was impossible. She was happy. I knew it. I saw it with my own two eyes.  
  
"I'm telling you maybe you should watch a little more of the Slayer's life." The old man said. This was my very obvious cue to turn to the pond, which I did.  
  
The image showed Buffy sitting on top of something in the center of my mark on Sunnydale. She was frowning at the others, who were digging through the rubbish.  
  
"Buffy, you should be helping. He's your boyfriend, you know." Willow pointed out. Buffy gave her a pouty look. But I could see the pain in her eyes. Pain because she had lost her home? Or pain because. . .because she had lost me?  
  
"We're not going to find anything. If he were anywhere, he'd be at the bottom of the crater and we can't get down to there." She said. "He's really gone you guys. Face it." Willow gave her a concerned look, then moved a few pieces of debris with her telekinesis. I smiled a little, realizing Buffy hadn't denied the title Willow had given me.  
  
"Hey!" Xander suddenly yelled. "Hey!" He picked up the amulet. Everyone ran over. Everyone except Buffy, who sat still. The look on her face, through the mask, reminded me of the catatonic look she had worn when Dawn had been captured by Glory. God, I had been worried about her then. She hadn't moved. She hadn't done anything at all. She had been lost in her own world, where something circled through her head. I hadn't known what was bothering her then. I had a good idea what was bothering her now. IT was somewhat impossible in my mind, but there was a small chance. I wanted to know if it was true, but I didn't ask.  
  
Everyone looked as Xander held up the amulet. They all turned to Buffy. She looked up. Xander pushed through the crowd of Scoobies, Slayers, and Wood. He walked over to Buffy. They looked at each other for a long moment, then Xander held out the amulet, much in the same way Buffy had held it out to me.  
  
"You should have it. It's. . .it's probably all that's left." He said quietly as Buffy's fingers curled around the amulet. She looked at the chain spilling from her hand, then up at Xander. I was surprised. I mean, Xander and I really weren't the best of friends, especially after. . .after what I had done to Buffy. But he gave her the amulet, the last reminder of me, all the same.  
  
"I know. Thank you." She said quietly. Xander searched her face with his one good eye, then finally gave her a small smile, putting a hand on her shoulder. She returned the smile, but it was forced.  
  
The image rippled, then changed, showing Buffy laying on her stomach on a hotel bed. The room was dark. Dawn was asleep in the other bed. Buffy had her hands cupped around something. Suddenly, there was a click, an all too familiar click, and a flame shot up form a silver lighter. My silver lighter. My *favorite* silver lighter. My mind wandered a moment, remembering how I had torn up my crypt looking for that lighter. She'd stolen it twice now.  
  
Just then, the significance hit me. My lighter. She had kept it. Then I saw the other item she had been holding. The amulet, sparkling in the little flame. I looked up to Buffy's face, and I gasped. Silent tears ran down her face. Tears for me. Because she knew the two items she held weren't just a somewhat expensive silver cigarette lighter and a pretty bangle. Those were the two things she had left of me. Actually, when you come right down to it, she held me in her very hands, as I had seen earlier. It was pretty and somewhat symbolic.  
  
I realized how much that meant to me. . .the fact that she sat there in the silence of night with two things. . .two things that were mine. That were me. It felt good to know she loved me. But at the same time it hurt to know even in death I caused her pain.  
  
I sighed. That was the one thing I had always fought against. I had believed that if I left, Buffy would forget about me, and I couldn't let that happen. First of all, it happened too much with Buffy. Angel left her when she loved him, Riley left without giving her a chance to do a thing. Neither gave her a chance to prove herself to them. But I stayed when she didn't believe in me. She had always asked, along with everyone else, if I could just leave and never come back. But I couldn't.  
  
And now I finally give her what she wants, and it hurts her instead of bringing the relief I had always imagined under such circumstances. I suddenly noticed my eyes were beginning to get a little misty. I took a deep breath and turned to the old man.  
  
"Shouldn't we be moving on to the. . .well. . .the moving on?" I asked. "This vision is not having such a pleasant effect on me."  
  
"I'm sorry, but we're going in chronological order," he replied cryptically.  
  
"All right. Fine." I said knowing there was no argument.  
  
The next image showed Buffy and Dawn looking through the house I had seen earlier. Their eyes were shining as they strode through the empty rooms. They returned to the livingroom and smiled at Giles and a dark woman in a gray business suit. I didn't know the other woman.  
  
"What do you think?" the woman asked.  
  
"This house is awesome!" Dawn cried.  
  
"It's the best I've seen so far." Buffy agreed. The woman handed her a piece of paper which held the price and everything. Buffy's smile faded.  
  
"Oh. . ." she said. Giles looked concerned and he took the paper. He looked down at it.  
  
"Oh. . .we can't ever afford this. . ." Buffy said regretfully. Giles looked up again.  
  
"What? Of course you can. They'll take it." he said. Buffy turned.  
  
"Giles, no. You're probably going back to England, and that's not cheap and-"  
  
"No arguments, Buffy. I've got a nice bit saved away and I think I can help you out. Anyway, I don't believe I should leave you alone on another. . .um. . ." Giles stopped and looked at the woman. He kind of made a gesture towards the ground. "Another. . .you know. . ."  
  
Hellmouth. I got it and so did Buffy. She smiled.  
  
"Thanks." She said. Giles took care of the paperwork, and Buffy and Dawn went back upstairs to claim their rooms. Buffy walked into one and sat down on the floor. She looked around.  
  
"Home sweet home." She said, but she sounded a little sad still. I understood. The house was nice and all, but it wasn't good ol' SunnyD. It was a whole new place, and a whole new life. I wished I had been there to help her through everything. But I guessed that had been about the time I was rather ghostly.  
  
"So here we are in Cleveland, then?" I asked. The man nodded.  
  
"She had to start her life all over again. At first she worked at Dawn's high school. She had her reasons." He said. I grinned.  
  
"Let me guess. Hellmouth?" I asked. The man shook his head.  
  
"No, the Hellmouth is located. . .well. . .right underneath a Wal-Mart Super-center." He replied. Huh. Odd. But then, the Hellmouth always did seem to have some kind of odd sense of humor.  
  
"So I suppose you're not planning on telling me what reasons she had." I guessed.  
  
"That is not relevant in our story." The old man replied, confirming my guess. I shrugged and returned my gaze. Buffy was laying in the same room on a mattress. There were only two other pieces of furniture in the room, a dresser and a small bookcase. Buffy was sleeping, though she tossed and turned.  
  
The image showed me her dream.  
  
She was standing in the middle of the basement. People were fighting all around her, but they were blurred. I guessed that was how she remembered the Fight. Suddenly the light from my amulet shone out across the room. I raised an eyebrow as she turned and the other me came into view. He wore black jeans and for some odd reason, was shirtless.  
  
Buffy ran across the room towards the other me. She stopped in front of him. I realized everything was silent, even though the battle raged on. The only sound was Buffy's footsteps as she ran through the people. The dream-me looked at her, looking all cool and glowy with golden light. No words were actually said, but volumes passed between "us". All of a sudden, Dream-Spike's face contorted and he began to burn. They both screamed, Buffy in shock, Dream-Spike in pain. Buffy ripped the amulet from his/my chest and threw it across the room, into the Hellmouth. The Hellmouth froze, turning instantly to stone. The fight scene vanished.  
  
Dream-Spike looked at his hands , which were not burning anymore, then up at Buffy. She gave him a smile.  
  
"I love you." She said. He returned the smile and stroked her cheek.  
  
"Sorry pet. But you never saved me." He replied. Buffy woke up, shaking. She took a long, shaky breath. She put a hand to her chest and I realized the amulet was gone. Instead, she pulled the old lighter out from under her pillow. She flicked it open, but it didn't light anymore.  
  
I remembered suddenly when Buffy had been dead. It seemed like ages ago. But every night I saved her in a different way, then she would always disappear in the end. She would be gone, and I would be alone. That's exactly what was happening here. Some kind of nagging panic began in the back of my head. It got louder and louder as the image faded and the pond was only a pond again.  
  
"What happens next? She. . .she's happy now, right?" I asked. The man shrugged.  
  
"What do you think?" he asked.  
  
"She's happy. Moved on, new life. The one she always wanted with the white picket fence and all." I reassured myself. The man gave me a look.  
  
"Are you sure of that?" he asked. "What if she's been standing in the cold, it stopped snowing by the way, for an hour or so for your sake. Because she hasn't let go?" I stared at the man.  
  
"What are you saying?" I asked. The man looked down. I followed his gaze as one more image appeared in the pond.  
  
Buffy was sitting in the livingroom tonight, right after I had left. She suddenly froze and looked quickly out the window. Her face faded a little. Dawn went on happily. Buffy got up, walking over to the door. Dawn asked her something, I wasn't really listening, but I watched as Buffy gave her the smile I had seen while Buffy had assured everyone she was thankful from being "rescued from hell" and made a reply. I knew the look well. Buffy was somewhat happy knowing everyone else was happy while she concealed her true feelings.  
  
She paused on her front porch, looking at my footprints in the snow, and the tire-tracks. She frowned, but walked on. She walked through the town, stopping a moment to stake a vampire in a graveyard. God, I missed watching her fight. Then she continued on until she came to a park. She sat down on a bench in front of. . .my eyes widened. In front of the pond. I whipped around to face the old man.  
  
"What. . ." I couldn't form a question. I didn't know what to ask.  
  
"Are you ready?" the man asked. I stared at him.  
  
"I. . .to meet her?" I asked. He nodded. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I opened them again.  
  
"Yes." I replied in a calm voice. The man smiled.  
  
"Spike?" I heard a familiar, missed, loved voice gasp. I turned, and there she was.  
  
:. End Chapter Eight.  
  
And There She Was. Ah, don't you just *love* a good cliffhanger? Oh, come now, no hard feelings. Or fists. Lee will kill you. As will I. And Faye. And possibly my brother. He'd either kill you or hug you. He's being huggy 'cos it's almost Christmas.  
  
REVIEWS:  
  
Imzadi: No. Sorry, I told you, I don't know Lindsey, and therefore you'd hate my guts if I possibly tried to write him. Besides, isn't he that one annoying dude?  
  
Nicki-boo: Faye says hello. And then she hit me on the head for sticking her in my fic.  
  
Everyone Else: Thanks for reading and do continue with the enjoying.  
  
NEXT: Spuffiness abounds. 


	9. Sweet Bliss And Romance

:. Chapter Nine  
  
AN: Yes! Only one chapter left. This is my favorite chapter, besides the one where Spike kicks Angel's butt. I never get tired of that. This goes out to Lee! Merry Christmas, dude!  
  
:. Buffy  
  
"I suppose it is time to bring my tale to a conclusion." The woman said. I looked eagerly to the pond.  
  
Spike drove the same car he had before into a large city. I laughed. Cleveland Ohio. We had made the same mistake. But Giles had realized it had to be wrong. Hellmouths usually showed up in small towns. Big cities were more prone to evil on their own without Hellmouthy assistance. Then I realized it, he was looking for me.  
  
"Spike went to the wrong city, and looked all over until he finally found out from a passing demon the Hellmouth was in Cleveland, Iowa, and that's where you would be. He hurried as fast as he could, avoiding all tickets by giving out Angel's name, address, and everything." the woman narrated. I rolled my eyes. Figured. Once a grudge, always a grudge.  
  
I turned to the pond. I saw Spike driving into town. He drove through the streets, then stopped and closed his eyes. His face lit up, and he drove onward to Morningside Drive. He turned down until he came to a familiar blue house. The snow was falling as he got out. He stood a moment like he used to at the house on Revello Drive in Sunnydale. Then he walked forward to the window, looking in. I did a double take as I watched the events from this evening replay. But I mostly watched Spike. His expression softened and he had a faint smile on his face as he watched. Then the whole look melted, like it had every time I rejected him, and he turned, walking away.  
  
I frowned as he got back into the car and drove to the (amazingly) new and relocated Willy's Place. I looked at the old woman.  
  
"He was here." I said in wonder. My Slayer senses were right. I had felt him after all. But I didn't understand why he left.  
  
"Yes." the woman said matter of factly.  
  
"But. . .I don't get it." I said.  
  
"You don't understand why he came?" the woman asked. I pouted at her slightly. How was it that she knew everything else about me, but she didn't know about this question. I mean, I wasn't having the easiest of times putting this into words. The least she could do was read my mind or something.  
  
"No! I get that. But why didn't he stay? Why didn't he want to talk to me?" I asked.  
  
"Oh, of course." The woman replied, as if she was just realizing it. I stared.  
  
"Yeah. So? Why?" I asked impatiently, more than a little annoyed.  
  
"I do believe he is ready to tell you himself." The old woman replied. My eyes widened. She smiled and pointed. I looked across the pond, and there he was. He was studying the pond, an odd look on his face.  
  
"Spike?" I gasped. His head shot up, blue eyes wide with surprise.  
  
"B-Buffy. . ." he stammered.  
  
:. Spike  
  
I stared. I couldn't believe it. There she was, looking exactly as surprised as I felt. I think I stammered out her name, but I couldn't remember. All my senses were focused on the beautiful sight before me.  
  
Slowly I began walking towards her, as if in a dream. She began moving towards me as well. All of a sudden, I was sitting on the ground. I looked down in surprise. Oh. Right. Ice. I tried to get up, but slid and fell back to the ground. I looked sheepishly up at Buffy, somewhat embarrassed. Okay, very embarrassed. She looked at me a moment, and then she started giggling. I gave her a hurt look, but I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, and then we were both just frozen there, laughing like lunatics. Suddenly, Buffy's feet were swept out form underneath her, which only made us laugh harder.  
  
We slipped and slid, trying to get up and to get to each other, but every time we fell back to the ground, giggling even harder than ever. Finally, we made it to our feet, and to the center of the pond. We both stood a few feet apart, laughter subsiding. For a long moment, I just stared into her hazel eyes.  
  
"Spike. . ." Buffy said again. And then she was in my arms. We just stood there, holding each other tightly. I knew I wasn't going to be letting go anytime soon. And by her tight grip, neither was Buffy. Unfortunately, there were issues that needed to be resolved. Finally I pulled us apart, but we kept a good hold on each other's hands.  
  
"Buffy. . .I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner. I've been back for a while, but-"  
  
"Shh." She shook her head and pulled herself into back into my embrace, resting her head on my chest. "I know. I know. I don't. . .It doesn't' matter." I looked down at her in surprise, then across her head to the old man. An old woman was standing next to him. The old man winked at me. I smiled, then kissed the top of Buffy's head; my world was perfect again.  
  
"I missed you." I whispered.  
  
"I missed you too." Buffy mumbled into my chest.  
  
"I love you." I tried cautiously. There was a pause. Buffy looked up at me. I realized I had stopped breathing..  
  
"I love you too." She said finally. I slowly smiled at her, once again having that dreamy feeling. But no, this was real. She knew what had happened while I was at Wolfram & Hart. She understood. For once, I actually didn't have to try and explain myself. For once, she already believed me.  
  
"I know." I replied, making up for my denial the last time, the *first* time she had told me she loved me. Her smile appeared, lighting up her whole face, and the entire world, it seemed.  
  
"Promise?" Buffy asked. I raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Promise. . .promise I know?" I questioned. Buffy nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I promise I know, and I'll always know." I replied, gently moving a strand of hair from her face. I leaned in to kiss her, but she stopped me.  
  
"One more thing." Buffy said, suddenly serious. My heart sank again, and I wondered exactly what she wanted. What flaw did I need to fix, what more did I need to convince her of.  
  
"What's that?" I asked, a little wary.  
  
"Promise me you'll never let go." She said. I relaxed, once again smiling at her.  
  
"Never. I don't think I could, even if I tried." I replied. Buffy returned the smile.  
  
"Good." She replied. I knew I had permission now, so I leaned down and kissed her softly.  
  
There were absolutely no words to describe that one kiss. It was magnificent, beautiful, something I thought existed only in fairytales. The kiss lasted for an eternity, but it was over in a millisecond. It was better than anything I had ever imagined. Better than anything that had ever happened between the two of us in the past. It was full of love, pure and true. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced. When it was over, Buffy and I just stared at each other.  
  
"It. . .um. . .it's snowing again." I commented lamely, breaking the agonizing silence. Buffy glanced up distractedly.  
  
"Oh. . .wow." she said, looking back at me, eyes sparkling. "wow. . ." I gave her one of my special trademark smirks.  
  
"Bet you Angel couldn't kiss like that. Like, ever." I said mischievously. Buffy frowned at me. I only raised an eyebrow. She sighed, then shrugged.  
  
"I give." She said. I laughed, and she joined me, this time only out of pure joy.  
  
We walked (okay, more like slid; a little more involuntary giggling resulted form the trip) over to the bench near the pond and sat there, talking about what had happened this odd night. Finally, we kind of ran out of things to say, that and it was getting rather late.  
  
"Um, do you have a place to stay?" Buffy asked. I shook my head.  
  
"Been just a little on the busy side. Guess I'll have to find somewhere. . ." I grinned humorously. "Know any good basements?" Buffy looked down at the ground.  
  
"Um, well. . .I was kind of hoping. . ." she said uncertainly. I looked at her, though her eyes were still on the white snow below.  
  
"Hoping what, luv?" I asked. She said something not even I could hear. I tilted her head up. "Buffy. . ."  
  
"I was kind of hoping. . . do you want to stay with us?" Buffy asked, the question coming out really fast. "I mean, we don't have any extra rooms or anything, but I guess you can sleep on the couch, no, too un- comfy, I guess you could sleep in my bed if you want, I don't mind. . ."  
  
"Buffy!" I cried, laughing. I couldn't help it. She was beginning to sound like Willow. She stopped and grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Sorry. . ." she said. "But, uh, do you want to?"  
  
"Yeah, after your enchanting invitation, how could I stay anywhere else?" I teased. We stood up, brushing the snow off each other's coats. Then we started walking to the Summers residence, arms around each other. Halfway there, I remembered something sort of important.  
  
"Um, Buffy?" I said.  
  
"hm?" Buffy looked up at me.  
  
"What about the car I st-brought?" I asked.  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"It's still at Willy's." I replied. Buffy shrugged.  
  
"I guess it'll still be there tomorrow." She said. "If you think I'm letting you go tonight, you're insane."  
  
"All right then." I replied easily. I had absolutely no argument. In fact, I had been wondering if she would let me stay.  
  
We walked on again in silence. When we reached the house, Buffy walked inside. I kind of stood at the doorway.  
  
"Um." I said, making my presence and hopefully my need for an invitation known. Buffy turned and smiled.  
  
"Oh, right. Sorry." She said. "I kinda forgot. Come in, Spike." I walked through, wondering exactly what she forgot; that I was a vampire, or that I needed an invite. I smiled at her.  
  
"And now you're permanently stuck with me." I said. She laughed.  
  
"And my world is as it should be." She replied. She began the trip upstairs. I looked after her a moment, then moved to walk into the livingroom. Buffy turned.  
  
"Aren't you coming?" she asked. I shrugged.  
  
"I don't think it would be the best way to make my presence known in the Scooby World by coming down from your room." I replied. Buffy sighed.  
  
"Oh, you're right, I guess. Okay. Let me get you blankets and stuff." She said, running up the stairs. I walked into the livingroom and looked around. Nothing was familiar. Then I noticed two pictured on the fireplace mantle. One was of Joyce, and the other of everyone. I frowned. I was in that picture somehow. It was in the previous Summers' livingroom, I was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, Buffy was sitting on the couch, flanked by Xander and Dawn, Willow was cross-legged on the floor, bent over a book with Giles, and Anya was sitting in a chair, pouting at Xander. I guessed it was taken by the kid, Andrew, just before everything happened. That was his kind of thing.  
  
"Hey." I turned. Buffy was standing behind me, arms full of blankets and pillows. I took them and began creating my own personal throne on the couch. I flopped onto it when I was done. Buffy sat down next to me.  
  
"You'd better get to bed, pet." I gave her a grin. "Or else Ol' St. Nick won't be bringing your little presents." Buffy leaned over and hugged my arm.  
  
"Already got my big gift this year." She replied. I smiled and we kissed good-night. Buffy gave my arm one last squeeze, then began to go upstairs. Then she turned.  
  
"Don't be gone in the morning." She said, then walked to her room. I sighed happily, kicking off my boots and stretching out onto the couch. I had no intention of going anywhere for a long time. As I drifted off to sleep, I kind of wondered what everone else would think tomorrow morning, but I really didn't care. I had my big gift too. The biggest gift I was ever going to get.  
  
I fell asleep, happy, and close to Buffy. Finally.  
  
:. End Chapter Nine  
  
See? Worth waiting for? I stayed up until 3 AM writing it, and then looked over it today, after some more *ahem* pressing matters were taken care of. But I'm finally happy with it. Tomorrow's chap is fun, though I'll probably try and post it tonight, if possible.  
  
Review Addressing Time:  
  
Celtic Cat: My goodness, yes. I am totally the hopeless romantic. Just ask Faye. Between the two of us, we could totally win some major awards. If we had money. But, once again, my favorite is Spike and Buffy. Though I really want to try a Willow/Xander. I just keep getting distracted wif my favorites.  
  
Nicki-Boo: I'd wrap this all up and give it to you, but that's rather impossible. Merry Christmas!  
  
Michelle: I've got a great sedative Faye often uses on me if you need it. You're about as insane as me. But you know, I'm not so sure anyone is as insane as me.  
  
Y'all who said I'm evil: Yes. I am. And I enjoy it. But give me candy and I'm sweet as anything.  
  
The normal message to everone. The whole thing where thx and do keep enjoying. Yeah. That one. Now I pass out candy canes (like the one I'm sucking on at the moment. Mmm) and bid you all a Merry Christmas-Eve. 


	10. The Part Where Everyone YELLS and the Ep...

:. CHAPTER TEN  
  
AN: This is IT! It's FINALLY over! I can relax! Hm? What? It's Christmas already?! GAH! MY TIME IS, LIKE, GONE!!!!!  
  
Do enjoy.  
  
:. Spike  
  
I was awoken by a loud scream the next morning. My eyes flew open and I let out a surprised yell, falling off the couch onto the floor in a tangle of blankets. I looked up and Dawn screamed again. I yelled again in reply. And so it went for a few minutes, until Buffy came running down the stairs.  
  
"What's going on?!" she cried, looking worried. Dawn pointed a finger at me.  
  
"Buffy!" She yelled, but happily, I noticed. "It's Spike! Lookie, it's Spike!" Buffy nodded, grinning.  
  
"Yep. It's Spike all right." She replied calmly. Dawn ran over and knelt beside me. She stared hard at my face. Then she pinched my arm.  
  
"Ow! Watch it, Bit." I complained. Dawn threw her arms around my neck.  
  
"It's okay." She told Buffy. "It's not the First." Then she sat back thoughtfully.  
  
"Hm. . .maybe there is a Santa after all." She said. I laughed.  
  
"Are you kidding me? I wouldn't be caught dead in a flying sleigh with some fat old bloke." I replied.  
  
"You are dead." Dawn pointed out. I crossed my arms.  
  
"I rest my case." I said happily. Dawn smiled at me, then turned to Buffy.  
  
"You're mean." She said. Buffy's eyes widened.  
  
"What?!" she cried. "Why?!"  
  
"You knew about this." Dawn replied, pouting at her big sister. "And you didn't say a WORD about it."  
  
"Sorry. I mean, you were asleep, and. . .well. . ." Buffy couldn't find the rest of her sentence.  
  
"Merry Christmas!" I filled in for her. Dawn shrugged.  
  
"Okay. I'll accept that. I figure if I ask how, it'll all go away anyway." She said. Then she turned to the Christmas tree. "Okay. Now, presents!"  
  
"Dawnie, you know we have to wait for everyone else to get here. I'll fix breakfast." Buffy said. I stood up.  
  
"Um, can I borrow your shower?" I asked uncertainly. Buffy giggled.  
  
"Just have it back before the hot water runs out." She mock- warned. "First door on the left." She pointed up the stairs. I grinned my thanks and went up the stairs. I found the bathroom and shut the door. I showered, then pulled my black jeans back on. Then I turned to the empty mirror. I picked up a brush. I grinned, watching it float a moment, then began brushing all my hair back, using my fingers as eyes. This was a skill I had perfected over the years. I looked at the floating brush.  
  
"Well, this is it." I told my 'reflection'. "Time to face the demon." And this time, I wasn't here to fight, I was here to make friends, or restore them. I'm not sure how my talent stood on that. I pulled my T- shirt on, then went downstairs. Buffy was setting a plate of pancakes on the table.  
  
"Mmm. Smells good." I commented. Buffy smiled.  
  
"See, that's what I like about you. You actually eat." She said. I walked over behind her and slid my arms around her waist.  
  
"Unlike Gel-Boy, who is all Beverage Only." I agreed. Buffy leaned against me, laughing.  
  
"Never give up a good chance to get Angel, do you?" she teased. I grinned.  
  
"You know me, pet. I stick to my guns." I replied. Just then Dawn walked into the room.  
  
"Ew? Get a room, why don't you!" she cried in disgust. Buffy and I laughed, letting go of each other and sorting out the pancakes. Buffy walked over and opened the microwave. She tossed me a bag of blood.  
  
"Don't ask me where, or how. Just enjoy." She warned. I nodded.  
  
"Right." I replied. I tore open the bag, dumping half the contents onto my pancakes, causing twin looks of disgust from Buffy and Dawn. The rest I poured into a mug.  
  
"Thanks." I said, taking a big bite of the pancakes. Buffy turned to get the syrup.  
  
"Creative, yet disgusting all at once." Dawn commented. Buffy looked over and grinned.  
  
"And he's washing his own plate. I am *not* cleaning up blood. I get that enough with Slaying." She said. I shrugged.  
  
"All right. Sure." I said with my mouth full, causing both girls to squirm.  
  
The rest of breakfast and the cleaning up of the kitchen was spent telling the story to Dawn. Not because she asked, but because we wanted to find out what the other person saw, and their reactions. The girls ran upstairs to get dressed when they found they had only fifteen minutes until the Scoobies were scheduled to arrive.  
  
I walked back into the livingroom and flopped onto the couch. I looked around again. I sat back, sighing happily. So far, so good. But the big test was coming up. I worried about how everyone else would react. Suddenly, the front door opened, causing me to jump a mile. Xander walked into the house, carrying gifts.  
  
"Ho, ho, ho! Merry-" he stopped suddenly, spotting me. "OH MY GOD! BUFFY! BUFFY!" Willow bumped into him when he stopped, her dish of cheesy potatoes flying into the air. I sprinted forward to catch them in vain, seeing as Willow had stopped them with her magic, causing them to float. And that was the scene Buffy walked in on. Xander with a load of dropped gifts at his feet, Willow on the ground behind him, with one hand in the air, and me frozen in pre-dive stance. She looked at all of us kind of funny.  
  
"Um. What's going on?" she asked. "If I really want to know." There was a pause. Then:  
  
"Spike's back!" he said, turning to point at me, not realizing I was a foot behind him, thus poking me in the eye.  
  
"Ow! Bloody hell, Harris. I like that eye." I grumbled.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah. I knew that." Buffy replied. "I will explain everything when everyone else gets here." Xander stared at me for a minute, then shook his head and smiled.  
  
"You really don't give up, do you?" he asked, but the remark didn't hold its usual sharpness. Willow rescued the flying potatoes and walked in.  
  
"Hey, Spike. Um, we didn't get you anything." She said regretfully. "We didn't know you were coming. Heh, we didn't know you were alive." She grinned at me. I returned the grin.  
  
"Yeah, I really didn't know either. But it's all right. I didn't get anyone else anything either." I replied.  
  
Pretty soon, Andrew showed up. He went through the proper yelling sequence, except there were tears shed on his part, and way too much drama. When Giles arrived, no one was surprised wen the shouting began."  
  
"Dear God! Spike! But how? Who? Why?" he stammered. I smirked as Xander counted off the most popular questions on his fingers.  
  
Buffy, Dawn, and I explained everything, answered some questions, then carried on with the Christmas festivities.  
  
The presents disappeared one by one. Finally, there was one left. It was wrapped in silver paper with a black bow. Black?  
  
"Who is that one for?" Dawn asked. Andrew picked it up.  
  
"It says For William, From A Friend. Who's William?" I raised my hand. Andrew grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Oh yeah. Right. I knew that. Um, here Spike." He handed me the package. I slowly unwrapped it, then opened the box. A blinding flash of light blinded the whole room.  
  
"Bugger!" I yelled, being closest to the box and getting the brunt of the flash. I looked inside the box. There was a note.  
  
"One Week. Use it well." I read aloud. I looked up at everyone.  
  
"One week? One week what?" Willow asked. Xander blinked, rubbing his eye.  
  
"One week before the spots go away?" he grabbed at imaginary spots. "Bad spots! Evil!"  
  
"Hm. . .the light must have bestowed some kind of gift, like the box containing the remainder of Spike's essence." Giles said. I stared at him.  
  
"No, really?" I said sarcastically. What can I say? I'm a never- ending Sarcasticist. (AN: Sar-Cass-Ti-Sist. One who practices the art of Sarcasm. I'm homeschooled. I make up words.)  
  
We tried to figure out what the gift could have possibly been, but by the time the turkey was done cooking, there was no result. We all walked into the dining room. Buffy gasped as I walked down the hall with everyone else. I turned to look at her.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked curiously. She pointed behind me. I turned. There was a mirror hanging on the wall.  
  
"Oh, look, I've got a loose curl." I pushed it back with the rest of my slicked-back hair. Then it hit me. I stared at the mirror. My reflection stared back. My reflection.  
  
"Hey! I figured it out!" Xander cried. "The gift is Spike's reflection!" A slow grin spread across my face.  
  
"I'll bet you anything. . ." I turned around and opened the front door. The sun was sparking on the deep, soft snow. I walked out into the sunlight. . .and didn't burn. I laughed.  
  
"Yes!" I shouted, leaping into the air. "Look! I'm not burning!"  
  
"Thank you Captain Obvious." Buffy teased, coming out to join me. The rest of her. . .my friends followed, uttering their amazement at my non- burning. I pranced around in the snow, then threw a snowball at Xander, who tried to return fire, but missed, hitting Dawn, who missed him and hit Buffy, who hit Giles, who hit Andrew, who hit Willow, who barraged everyone with a torrent of snow.  
  
As the Snowball Fight raged on, I realized I was finally part of the group. This was my Christmas Wish. I was home for the holidays. And very happy.  
  
Life. . .Un-life. . .was very good.  
  
:. Third Person POV  
  
Two figures watched the happy romp in the snow below. One was an old man, one was an old woman. They laughed.  
  
"We did it again." The old man said. "Clara, you are absolutely brilliant."  
  
"Nick, stop it. You did amazingly well on the vampire." The old woman replied.  
  
"And it's so much fun in these costumes." The old man smiled, and his face changed to that of a young man with bright green eyes and blond hair. The woman laughed, changing into a young woman with long brown hair.  
  
"It's always so funny how they picture you as some fat old man." She said. "You're always an old man and I'm a little girl forever. It was fun finally being old."  
  
"Once again, we made all wishes come true. We've been doing it for years." Nicholas said.  
  
"And we're good at it." Clara laughed.  
  
"Ah, it is a Merry Christmas indeed." Nick replied. They laughed and kissed, floating back up to where they had come from, as Spike and Buffy kissed in the snow below.  
  
:. The End  
  
And so, with this all in mind, be happy for the joys given. For the magic of Christmas is for all to find, and for all to love. I hope this story has been enlightening and reassuring that yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Oh. Um. I mean, reassuring that Wishes Can Come True. And not just for Vengeance.  
  
Merry Christmas, all! See you after New Years, and I'm changing my name to Elven-Vamp Chloe, as that is my new favorite name. Chloe Adrian Lunar. 


End file.
